LDRs, Part 2

Posted by tia (800 days ago)

Since we are starting a new thread, how's about a little into/update of the situations, sort of a 411 on all the fine ladies in this crazy situation.

I met my darling b/f in Jan 2004 when in Aus on holiday. We emailed and talked a bit after that and met up again 3 months later at Easter. I am in HK until at least July 2007 and he is living in Brisbane still.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Pumpkin (800 days ago)

Hey all...I picked up my sweetheart in a fast food joint in LKF in late Oct 2004 but then we lost each other until he walked into a bar I was in by chance in Dec 04. He's in Oz and I'm here in HKG.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by voiceofreason (800 days ago)

i met my honey at a mutual friend's UK wedding in february 2005. (i've said it before and i'll say it again: weddings are a GREAT place to meet people!) the attraction was immediate and mutual, and the chemistry was effortless - by the time the reception rolled around other guests assumed we were a married couple. i'm based in manila indefinitely, with no immediate desire to leave.... <:-)

i'll see him next month.

(I am based in Manila)

Posted by tia (800 days ago)

HA! I met mine because I went to Aus for a friend's engagement party!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Northeurose (800 days ago)

My BF and I were internet penpal at the very beginning back in 1999. Our email correspondence was as frequent as 2-3 times a day, and then fell in love in 2000. The first three years he managed to come to Shanghai to visit me, even stayed one year here. I started to go to Sweden to see him more since 2004.

Now we're thinking about my fouth trip to Sweden during May, but can't get it settled yet. It's getting harder and harder for him to come out for any trips now since his old dad is very dependent on him. Poor him!

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by teenytiny (800 days ago)

I met my boyfriend in Beijing at a Language School (excellent place to meet gorgeous guys - I had my pick!) in 2003, immediately went in different directions ... now, 2yrs later, we finally have the chance to live in the same country ... for 4 months.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Kelly K (800 days ago)

I met my fiance in October 2004 in the US. It started out as a fling. We met up again in December 2004 and started the LDR. He met another woman in his city in December 2005 decided the LDR with me was getting too long and broke up with me. We are back together in January 2006 and got engaged. I am moving in two months.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Strawberry_Shortcake (800 days ago)

Kelly K I envy you. I was also on a good way to being fiance/fiancee but as u know it will take a little longer now.. even had my ring picked out together.

Anyway, I met my man when he was in HK for an internship and met him through my ex, they were flatmates!! (flat organised by their companies so they didn't know each other) and NO, the ex was long gone and done with by the time me and my bf started dating.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tia (799 days ago)

CHEERS!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060308/od_nm/glasses_dc

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by voiceofreason (799 days ago)

oh. my. GAAAAWWWWWWD!!! how romantic! i cannot WAIT for those to be available commercially! :-D

(I am based in Manila)

Posted by arethusas (799 days ago)

wow, I wanna get one~ In case~

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tia (799 days ago)

Is that not a little sad?! :)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by rats (799 days ago)

Maybe they should apply the technology to our bed/pillow/blanket/pj as well. :)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by voiceofreason (799 days ago)

well - definitely poignant, but still - i think it's romantic :-) and pretty nifty.

then again it might make me drink wine at all sorts of odd hours (given our time diff)...!
:-D *hic*

(I am based in Manila)

Posted by arethusas (799 days ago)

what about to the vibrator, rats?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by chiki (799 days ago)

awww how sweet.
isnt it nice to know that someone out there (or some smart money making company at least) wants to bridge the gap between distanced lovers?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by rats (799 days ago)

arethusas- vibrator won't do for the technology :P

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by arethusas (799 days ago)

warum nicht?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by rats (799 days ago)

einfach so. liest den Article noch einmal :P

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by arethusas (799 days ago)

ordnung~ aber fuer das Glass des Lieber?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tia (798 days ago)

http://wiki.ehow.com/Make-a-Long-Distance-Relationship-Work

Helpful advice for the love-lorn and apart.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Strawberry_Shortcake (798 days ago)

Great article. I just sent some flowers (ok, manly, blue ones) to my honey, am I gay? ;-)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by voiceofreason (798 days ago)

thanks tia, wonderful article - i emailed it to the honey. ;-)

S_S, you're not gay, you're sweet. have you ever done that before? i haven't. tell us what he says!

(I am based in Manila)

Posted by tia (798 days ago)

Some men like flowers. Why not? I think it is a sweet idea.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Strawberry_Shortcake (798 days ago)

I hope he likes it. I have never done it and was inspired by the article. I have some worries though, as you guys know he "sometimes" see the other woman, I am afraid if she would be there when he receives them. What would happen then?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by voiceofreason (798 days ago)

;-) ...are you really worried she'll be there, or do you want her to be there?

just kidding, S_S...it's no fun playing games and being in limbo, uncertain of the outcome of your next reunion. i know it will be hard to wait until april because you can't really sort anything out till then, but neither should you overthink things. you'll just drive yourself crazy.

also...it was very sweet of you to send him flowers, but let that be the last special thing you do until you see him again. keep things light and breezy and affectionate in the meantime.

just my two cents' worth, from your other thread. ;-)

(I am based in Manila)

Posted by Pumpkin (798 days ago)

I have sent men flowers before and each time it has been the first time they have ever been sent any...they LOVE it!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by susan45988 (798 days ago)

flowers are lovely from and to everyone. I just received a red rose from a four year old boy, who is the son of a student, and a huge bunch of very exotic flowers on the last day of a course I was teaching to journalists at Shanghai TV station. The flowers were so unexpected so it made them twice as appreciated.

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by susan45988 (798 days ago)

Friends, I just met a delightful Frenchman, who is waiting to take me to dinner at the best French restaurant in Sydney - will be there this time next month. And, all your advice in previous, 'body image' thread will be used 'reasonably' and 'wisely'. Will still keep in touch through this site as I feel that we are confidentes.

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by voiceofreason (798 days ago)

i totally agree! at any age, on any day, from anyone - people love flowers.

my first flowers were in the first grade: 7-year-old W. wrote me a little love letter with horse drawings (he knew i loved horses) and gave me a bouquet of daisies that he had spray-painted a vivid blue. i'll never forget my first flowers.

(I am based in Manila)

Posted by voiceofreason (798 days ago)

susan...YAY!!! you GO girl! tres merveilleux! already something to look forward to. enjoy the delightful frenchman! ;-)

(I am based in Manila)

Posted by rats (798 days ago)

susan- great to hear that!! tres bien~~~ remember to bring us up-to-date...bon voyage ;)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Strawberry_Shortcake (798 days ago)

Susan, good for you, hope it works out in Sydney. :-)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tia (798 days ago)

Susan: Bonne chance! Je vous souhaite de bonheur!

Go get'em girl! Phwoar!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Rachk (798 days ago)

These situations can be so tricky!

Many years ago, i was in a long distance relationship and the only advise I can give is to give yourself a deadline, may it be 6, 12 or even 18 months. What ever you can personally handle to see how your relationship pans out. I gave myself a year and by the end of that year there was significant cracks in the relationship that basically gave me 2 options 1-quit now and get on with it or 2-move to Hong kong and get on with it with my man! I chose Hong Kong and we worked at it and are now happily married. My main decision was, because I loved him dearly, I never wanted to fall into the situation of "what if..." i have been one of the lucky ones where it worked out for the best, but LDR are tough and are really away of putting off the enevitable "Are we together or not"?.

Goodluck to all of you that are going through this time and I hope you all have the strength and support to do what needs to be done :)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tia (798 days ago)

Thank you for sharing Rachk. It is good and encouraging to hear success stories. Thanks.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Pumpkin (798 days ago)

Good success story but not sure if I get the bit about LDR being a way to put off the inevitable 'are we together or not'..I consider myself together with my partner despite the 6,000 miles.

...but it won't be for long 'cos I just booked my ticket for mid-april! *grin*

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tia (798 days ago)

I agree that being together is not only about physical closeness. I am not near the b/f for a good 90% of the year and I have never felt *closer* to anyone.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by rats (798 days ago)

sigh...pumpkin good for you, still not sure when to meet my bf aka fiance. I lose the motivation to move to his country.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by voiceofreason (798 days ago)

<:-( ...i'm feeling disconnected from my bf. i hope our visit next month reconnects us, but i think it should be the way tia and pumpkin put it: feeling deeply connected no matter how far apart we are. i haven't felt that in a few weeks.

don't get me wrong, things are perfectly amiable and cheerful between us, we're not arguing or anything but...i'm not feeling it deeply.

SO encouraging though to read Rachk's great story. that's what it will come down to, in the end: decision time!

(I am based in Manila)

Posted by Pumpkin (798 days ago)

Oh VoR...you of all people knows that emotional intimacy is not about geography. Are you sure you are not just working too hard/being distracted by the day to day of life to stop, step back and remember that you have someone out there in this big wide world who loves you!

I know if its not in your face its hard to bask in the glow...but you need to make time for reiterating to yourself what you have and draw strength from knowing you have it...then when you are feeling it, let your sweetie know exactly how happy you are to have him in your life.

And if all else fails, schedule an online date.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by susan45988 (798 days ago)

Don't feel down, Voiceofreason. You may be just a little disconnected now because you haven't seen him for awhile and, subconsciously, you don't want to feel disappointed when you do meet up next month. I bet you'll have a great time.
Oh, no, the man in the flat underneath is shouting and maybe beating his wife again.

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by voiceofreason (798 days ago)

susan - ?! oh no! what is going on? have you ever called the police on him? "again" - i guess that means it has happened before?

...pumpkin, yes you're right, that's what i try to do when i'm feeling the distance - i go back to the mental list of things i love and appreciate about him. i also swing through the Relationships threads and thank the powers that be that he doesn't put me through any of that cr*p ;-D ...touch wood!

susan, i am definitely overthinking, as well as thinking too far ahead, imagining disappointment, or - worst case - a break-up.

(I am based in Manila)

Posted by jay2004 (798 days ago)

I met her in a conference in Beijing in 2002.
Now she has been upset with me for the past three days & she has not sent me any emails.
It started with an album of picture of my daughter, neices & me to her just to see then she sent me a massage telling me that she feels like an outsider,caz i ddn't include her picture in there.Now i am planning to go to see her in a months.
I don't know hat to do now???

(I am based in Beijing)

Posted by Pumpkin (797 days ago)

Jay..be a bit more sensitive to her..your child is YOURS - not hers. She will love your daughter as an extension of you..but don't expect her to be in raptures about her though as if she was her own..its not HER child. You will think she is the cutest etc but your ladyfriend will probably not see the same thing...Think..in her mind, she is probably thinking that she will always come second to your daughter. And that she has to share you...you sending pictures just makes it all a bit too real for her just yet.
...perhaps you could do some reading up on what its like to be a stepmum so you understand some of the things that are probably running riot in her mind.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tia (797 days ago)

VoR:
Sorry to hear you are feeling disconnected with the man. It happens to the best of relationships, near and far. I agree with Pumpkin that an online date could be helpful. Phone calls often help when I am feeling completely disconnected as well. It is *so* nice to hear his voice.

Overthinking is one thing I am terribly guilty of and I know how bad it can get. Step back, take a look at this and think about what is REALLY important and REALLY bugging you. There is a reason you are with this man, sticking it out and making it work. You know why you love him and what makes him special to you. Don't lose sight of that.

I have told the b/f when I was feeling disconnected and more often than not, he was feeling it as well. Nothing serious, but usually because of things getting in the way and us not enjoying the online or phone time we have.

Thinking of the possible bads is tough going. Sadly, it is a pitfall that many peope suffer from. Make a list of all the good things, things you 2 have to look forward to, if it helps.

*hugs* We're here for you. Take care.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Strawberry_Shortcake (797 days ago)

Voice, I am sorry to hear tht you are feeling disconnected with your man. As the other said, it will be better when you meet him.. before that, just look through some albums and remember the good times you have had together. I have been doing that for the past week too, reminds me of how important he is to me. Try to send sweet emails to him, he will immediately feel that you care and reply with more, it's a chain reaction u know..

But again, who am I to give advices like this. Sigh. U have been a great listener to me and I seriously hope that everything will work out between you and your bf.. when will u meet him? where is he?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by voiceofreason (797 days ago)

ladies, thanks so much for the encouragment. somehow, someway - the honey comes through for me, and in the nick of time! we just had a looooooong voice chat today, hours and hours, starting very early this morning - a really excellent one. (it also means he has been up literally half his night - another thing i appreciate about him is that when it comes to sleeping habits, he's like me - a vampire ;-) doesn't need much and doesn't necessarily need it at night.)

tia, i sent him the link you posted earlier and he actually read it! it must have had some effect because he really pinned me down on future plans. he said "right, we've got to get our REAL lives moving forward instead of just our holiday lives" then proceeded to discuss ways, means, and places we might make that happen. based on what he says, i have to admit how committed HE is to moving this forward whilst trying to accommodate my desire to remain in asia.

the delay is really from my end: i love it here, and i will not move out of the region until my son goes to either boarding school or university, 5 years from now. so i really am concerned with what we call our "meantime" period, before our long-term togetherness kicks in.

we also agree that manila is - er - NOT the deal-making center of his professional universe, so it makes no sense career-wise for him to move here.

i've said in earlier posts that he's got a huge project in the works that would buy me time i.e. he goes off and does that for the next 2-3 years, during our meantime-period. but if it doesn't pan out he is open to looking at singapore or hong kong...YAY!!! that's near enough for me. i look at that as us being in, say, the tri-state area (NY, NJ, CT). either way i'm happy.

i felt a bit of an idiot because HE certainly wasn't feeling disconnected. however, i think he did get the message that I felt that way because of the recent lack of daily communication.

pumpkin, i thought of your "reward" tip every time i told him how much i appreciated him... ;-) teehee

S_S, i'll be with him in london middle of next month. when is your trip?

(I am based in Manila)

Posted by tia (797 days ago)

I am glad you two had a nice chat. That has to be some comfort. It sounds like you have good open communication, which is incredibly important.

Enjoy the trip with him. I think it will do you a world of good.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by susan45988 (796 days ago)

Yes, VOR, I agree with Tia. You, in particular, are a good communicated. So, you need to keep an open line to your beloved.

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by susan45988 (796 days ago)

Oh, my English is going down the drain - I mean good communicator.

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by voiceofreason (796 days ago)

thank you so much! i try, i try. :-)

so are you all set for your move back home? and more importantly: have you got your french restaurant in sydney all picked out? ;-)

(I am based in Manila)

Posted by Strawberry_Shortcake (795 days ago)

Guys guess what, he received the flowers and loooooved them. He is actually a bit sick at the moment so in a way they arrived with a good timing! I would recommend you to send your bf flowers (ok maybe make sure he is not the macho macho type who clearly do not appreciate things like this then don't waste your money) !!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by rats (795 days ago)

VOR and S_S it is so nice to hear that everything turns out positive for you girls! best of luck.

Tia- Is your honey still in town? would love to have a drink with you again :)

I kinda fix my mind that I should go to mine ASAP, before the relationship between my fiance and I going to fade away. (Thanks for encouraging me S_s). I love him, but the distance is such a torture, I told him once I would call everything off if we could't find place to start our life together in 6 months (either in HK/France/whereever possible), now it has been a year and we are still together. I meant, the distance is a toruture but the fact that not being with the one you love just becuase of the distance is more tormenting. Having that said, I wish there is s.o. physically and emotionally available here, but not X miles away.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by voiceofreason (795 days ago)

*clap* *clap* *clap* well done, S_S! ;-)

(I am based in Manila)

Posted by what the?? (795 days ago)

heya! i wish my bf would send me flowers! i sent some to him and he loved them!!
i am flying home for a short holiday in may and he is going to fly up and see me ! first time he is going to meet the family so i think he is a little worried! hehe. But i am sure everything will be fine! both our families don'tknow about us , it will be easier to tell my family but we arne't to sure about his family(being chinese and being gay is not really accepted!). So lets hope for the best !!

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by rats (795 days ago)

what the??- best of luck. being chinese and being gay is definitly not something acceptable in chinese society, but you neverk nows. A guy friend of mine was surprised when he sees how his family starting from avoiding the fact that he is gay to accpeting him for who he is and his partner as family memeber. (though his family still refuses or still dunno how to tackle it in front of other family members, i.e. the relatives) look at the bright side and best of luck!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tia (795 days ago)

Yes he is still here. Give me a buzz sometime!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Strawberry_Shortcake (795 days ago)

Oh voice I just realised that you asked me a question..yea I wil be in London from April 5th to probably the 7th. How long are you going there for?

Guys, I dunno, must have been one of those nights, tonight I really feel like giving up.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by what the?? (793 days ago)

ahhhh what to do !!
it is the b'day and the bf isn't here ! and i have to work !!! and all my friends have no money to do anything!!! life looks down! but i going to take myself out on a me day!! take myself out for lunch and then party hard for patty's day

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by voiceofreason (793 days ago)

hi what_the - is it your birthday or the bf's birthday? in any case, it doesn't matter: HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :-D have a great you-day!

(I am based in Manila)

Posted by tia (793 days ago)

Happy Birthday!! Go out, treat yourself and have a great day!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Pumpkin (792 days ago)

I'm lovin my LDR today. Positively brimming.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by what the?? (792 days ago)

hey everyone! yay today is my b'day ! and i have to work ! hahahahah!!!!!but the bf called me at like 4 am to sing me happy b'day!! very sweet! and a friend made me a cake!! so i am going ok !! and later on i am off shopping !!!

why you loving your ldr today pumpkin??

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by Pumpkin (792 days ago)

Just because I'm feeling close to him today...lots of texting going on last night and today and the opportunity to be a supportive partner - which just makes the distance melt away.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by voiceofreason (792 days ago)

lovely to hear that, pumpkin!

what_the: "If Your Birthday Is Today
Actor Erik Estrada (1949) shares your birthday. You're quick and clever. Not only are you highly imaginative, you're also practical. You like yourself. This self-confidence can bring the best out in others. You succeed because you can see what others want and how they think. This year is the time to let go of certain cycles in your life to create room for something new." ;-D happy birthday!

(I am based in Manila)

Posted by Pumpkin (792 days ago)

Oooh - Erik Estrada...remember those tight trousers straddled over that motorbike. ..OK, now I feel old.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by voiceofreason (792 days ago)

...and that blindingly-white, chiclet smile! still, i have fond memories watching and laughing over that series with my dad. definitely shows our age though!!! :-p

(I am based in Manila)

Posted by Pumpkin (792 days ago)

HAHA...you remember laughing with your Dad...I remember doing the girly thing and watching with my Mum!! LOL... (hey come on...say his name to most women our age and they'll all get a nostalgic look in their eye I'm sure).

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by jay2004 (791 days ago)

Hey guys,i orgot & wrote some things in the previous one for Kely K & voie of the reason.
Please, read it.Thanks

(I am based in Beijing)

Posted by tia (791 days ago)

WAIL!
He leaves tomorrow. I hate this part...

We had 2 amazing weeks and it is soon to end. *sniff sniff*

The CHIPS 1999 movie was on TV the other day...Did you all watch it? ;-)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by voiceofreason (791 days ago)

tia! glad your honey's visit went so well. when's the next one? :-)

i totally forgot there was a Chips movie made. I am quite sure it wasn't nominated for anything. ;-D hahaha

a local cable channel here in manila did run a hilarious episode of Mad TV, in which the cast of That 70s Show spoofed Chips.

just a quick update: the LDR is in neutral gear at the moment. my trip is all set, but i still feel it could go either way (stay together or break up). either way, i won't make a decision until we are face to face, and until then, won't think about it too much.

(I am based in Manila)

Posted by rats (791 days ago)

tia- glad to hear that you have spent two amazing weeks with your bf. Don't feel sad and start planning the next visit ;)

what the ??- belated happy birthday.

SS and vor- best of luck, hope to hear some good news after you pay your visit to your honey.

I am doing pretty bad lately...feel so distant from my fiance. Keep thinking maybe it is time to join him(for good). 1 year's LDR is enough. I become so weak and easily tempted....

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tia (791 days ago)

Sounds like we need an LDR pow-wow soon... Something to stir up the pot and make us recall why we love these crazy men and deal with this crazy LDR thing for them.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by rats (791 days ago)

Tia- definitely need a pow-wow. It is not that I don't love my man, same old story, sometimes we just need someone who is also physically present- the toughest part of LDR.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by what the?? (791 days ago)

rats i hear you on that one!! needing him physically here!!and web cams aren't even close!but just the thought of knowing someone is out there in another part of the world loving you and thinking of you makes up for it!( more than a little!)

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by rats (791 days ago)

what the ?? - It doesn't really make up and can never fill the emptiness...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tia (791 days ago)

Rats: I changed phones and lost your number. Mine is the same, so you can SMS me yours or drop me a PM. We'll be out on Saturday.

No, webcamming is not the best way to reconnect. We need them around, PHYSICALLY for a loooong time.

2 weeks, I know to some, sounds like a Loooong time, but I tell ya, it goes quick and that is sad.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Pumpkin (791 days ago)

Sounds like people are talking themselves into derailment here...can't be part of it I'm sorry. I'm not tempted in the slightest just because he's not around... self talk is sabotage and where there is empty space, negative will always fill it faster than positive. It takes me a lot to hold firm in my optimism/positivity (things are a lot more complicated than I have spilled out on here)..I can't entertain the desperate neediness that's out here right now.
Sorry if that's harsh but you know what - deal with it. ...If you want it to work that is.

Sorry again if I come off sounding like a beyatch but we all have the same crap on our plates and no amount of self pity is going to change it.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by rats (791 days ago)

pumpkin- you are not being a beyatch, but have things correctly said. I need to have someone to keep my head clear and it seems you are that 'someone' :)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by voiceofreason (791 days ago)

not at all, pumpkin - you are the buoy of positivity today! the rest of us are just having a spleen-venting whinge, is all. ;-) believe me, i'm grateful for your resolve.

(I am based in Manila)

Posted by Pumpkin (791 days ago)

Its Friday...we each of us have a weekend ahead of us...you can go into it on a downer or on a high - the choice is yours. No matter what you cannot change about life, you can always change your attitude :)
Stick with it girls...you know in your hearts its worth it!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by susan45988 (791 days ago)

Agree with you Pumpkin. Liza Minnelli was on Late Night show last night and she was soooo happy. One of the ring-ins asked her why she was happy and she said that you can choose whether to be happy or miserable. It is a matter of choice moment by moment. Of course, it does take attitude to get it right when things are going wrong but, 'with the help of your friends' it's possible.

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by Pumpkin (791 days ago)

Its not an easy one to embrace and many people disagree that its a choice how to react but when you can and you do, it makes a big difference.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tia (791 days ago)

Tis very true. Ah, dear wise Pumpkin! :)

I could spend the night with the b/f moping and praying to somehow stop time so he never leaves. Instead, we shall enjoy a nice quiet night in and I will look forward to Easter and my summer with him.

Pumpkin, I am glad your buoyousness (is that a word?) is around today. Truly. It *IS* worth it. It so is.....

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Pumpkin (790 days ago)

Tia - you know where I am when you need me...mia shoulder e tua shoulder.

Now, if only my man would wake up early and jump online before I go to bed...he's 16 hours behind me currently. Grrr.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tia (790 days ago)

Time difference are not so much fun.

Merci, mon amie!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by sunniefaith (789 days ago)

Hey ladies in LDR, how are you? Well, I'm about to enter yet again into another ldr. Some of you might have known that my husband and I dated through ldr through half our courtship and got married and about 2 yrs later I let for Sydney to do my masters and now am back in Spore. Well, I'm moving to HK without my husband in Aug to work.

Tia, yup! Given them the answer and would be joining you soon!

And Rats, I'm a survivor of ldr and I'm going to go through it again. I'm pretty sure ldr can work if both parties are willing to work it out.

Well, between hubby and me, we're trying to make the fullest use of time to spend with each other and making arrangments to fly and see each other every month. It's hard but then again, absence makes the heart grow fonder!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tia (789 days ago)

GOOD! Give me a shout when you get to HK!

Yes, I think in ANY relationship, if both couples want it to work, it will. Mine left yesterday and I miss him so much already.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by sunniefaith (789 days ago)

Tia, I know how it feels. Been through that countless times myself! Friends think that I'm crazy to put myself through it again.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tia (789 days ago)

I was talking to a friend last night and she is in one as well due to her work in HK. She said she admired me bc I STARTED one...she at least had 15+ years with her man before they became LDR. She says she can't imagine how tough it is to keep the spark alive when you have a short history of time together.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by voiceofreason (789 days ago)

tia, i hadn't thought of it that way - that someone would think it admirable to have started an LDR based on so little time together. i only knew my bf a week before we decided to go for it. it's either admirable - or totally nutty. :-) (most people think we are the latter.)

three more weeks to go....

(I am based in Manila)

Posted by sunniefaith (789 days ago)

tia, I guess life is too short to have regrets. I hate the times when you think back and say what if....Start one ldr and if it really doesn't work out, end it. At least you don't have any regrets. But if you don't even start one, you never even know if it'll even work out.

vof, 3 weeks more!!!! That's nice to know!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tia (789 days ago)

This is my thinking as well. How will you know if you don't give it a go? If I had a choice, I'd maybe not choose to have an LDR, but this is what I am dealt and I will do my best to make it work. Like VOR, I knew him about a week before I left to return to HK. I assumed it would be a fling, we'd maybe email and MSN but nothing else....but there was something worth persuing in this man. I had to give it a go. Will I regret this later? Maybe, but I would regret not trying more.

50/50 on the admirabe/nutty scale.

VOR: am glad you will get to see the honey soon.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by sunniefaith (789 days ago)

tia, totally true. Why live life with all the what ifs floating in your heads. I've learnt that in life, as long as you tried, and if things don't work out, there's probably a reason for it.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Pumpkin (789 days ago)

Totally nutty....I knew mine for 1 night...then we emailed for a month and then I flew to Bangkok to meet him for about a day and a half. We decided to get serious about a week after I returned from Bangkok :)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by what the?? (789 days ago)

i met mine on the internet and we began chatting, then he flew back to china to be with his family for the holidays and we met and then 3 days later we were offically an item , 2 months later he flies back home and 16months later we are still going strong!! 6 weeks to go till i introduce him to my family!!!

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by tia (788 days ago)

Anyone get the impression we are a rather impulsive bunch? :)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by voiceofreason (788 days ago)

you SAID it, girl! :-D

although i am a lot less impulsive than i used to be in my 20s, i think that quick decisions will always be a part of who i am. ;-)

(I am based in Manila)

Posted by tia (788 days ago)

I weigh decisions more than I jump into them. After meeting the b/f, for the first 3 months til I saw him again, I weighed pros and cons in my head. However, once I *saw* him, I knew that there was no turning back.

I have bought tickets for a weekend, which seems rather impulsive.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by rats (788 days ago)

Tia- for a weekend to OZ?

For sure we are the nutty/impulsive type. :)

vor- glad to know that you are going to see your honey soon.

sunniefaith- as tia said, let us know when you are in town.

It is so right that life is a matter of choice. I could stay here longer and try to search a better job and preferably a 'career'. Or I can choose to end this tormenting LDR and be with the one I dearly love. In the past week a lot has happened and probably I am going to join him in a few month's time for good. Is it risky? Yes. Am I going to be unemployed for quite some time? Yes. Am I scared/worried? Yes. Am I going to regret? No. I will regret more if I don't try my best to make this relationship works. Relationship is not everything, but it plays a big part in my life. I have always been naively thinking that the meaning of life is 'love'- whether it is from friends/bf/families. (apart from improving oneself to be a better person and
pursuing intellectual inputs- stretching from sciences to arts). If the world ended tomorrow, I would be so mad at myself being so far away from him. You never know what is going to happen. Life is too short. Why we always bother so much about things that are less important and put the more important things at unnecessary risk?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by voiceofreason (788 days ago)

rats - go for it! WONDERFUL to hear that you are taking the big step after all. that's a great way to look at it: what is the worst that could happen? that you didn't give it a shot. congratulations! :-)

(I am based in Manila)

Posted by tia (788 days ago)

GO RATS GO!! Well done! I wish you all the best with this decision. WOW! You're right...if it all ended tomorrow, we would possibly regret not being closer.

Yes, I have jetted off to Brissy for the weekend. Usually at least 3 or 4 days though. I am insane..and now broke! :)

3 weeks til Easter....

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Pumpkin (788 days ago)

...and one week 'till my honey arrives on HK soil!

WTG Rats..good call.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by wildorchid (788 days ago)

I would also do the same, rats. What is not risky in this life? No venture no gain. And I am sure that you will gain more happiness with your move.

All the best!

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by rats (788 days ago)

ladies, thanks for the encouragement. Hope I still feel the same later on :D

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by sunniefaith (788 days ago)

rats, go for it! Glad you made that decision. Like I said, life is too short and I absolutely hate the 'what ifs' You'll never know what can and will happen.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by jay2004 (787 days ago)

Again ,I made it mistake & replied in the previous LDR. forgive me pleaseIf possile read it guys especialy ,Voice of reason , tia & wild orchid.
Thanks

(I am based in Beijing)

Posted by tia (787 days ago)

It's US!!

http://redwing.hutman.net/~mreed/warriorshtm/cybersisters.htm

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by voiceofreason (787 days ago)

you said it! cute site.

rats, are you pushing through with your original plans?

you're very brave - good for you. no guts no glory.

(I am based in Manila)

Posted by tia (786 days ago)

More reading....

http://blogs.smh.com.au/samandthecity/archives/2006/03/can_a_long_dist.html

Had to admit, the last line of the article irked me to no end. "Meanwhile, keep your eyes peeled for someone a little closer to home, even if it's the stewardess." GAH!

Love will survive despite distance if the 2 people want it to. It is not a filler relationship.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by what the?? (786 days ago)

hey how long has everyone been in there relationship??
I am up to 16 months and i have seen him around 8 times

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by Pumpkin (786 days ago)

We are just coming to 18 months...I see him usually around once a month for one or two days.

>>Tia - you can imagine how the line about the stewardesses stuck in my throat then can't you.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tia (786 days ago)

Thought of you with that insane line, yes. I think they were refering to as you travel. But highly insensitive for the likes of your situation.

ME? A little over 2 years. Seen him at major holidays, usually for about 10 days, but have had some shorter ones....about 130 days since I met him Jan 2004.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by rats (785 days ago)

vof- my original plans? Haven't planned yet (well, implusive type doesn't plan much. They just do.) but one thing is sure, I am handing my resign letter in the coming month (if nothing comes up 'out of the blue')

Tia- good for you! Enjoy your trip, and maybe you should leave HK as well :P

Come back to the length of LDR. Started as LDR (two countries) for 2 years, we saw each other over the 'weekend' (Fri-Sun) once or twice a month,move in together for 6 months, then LDR again (two continents!) for 1 year and 15 days...wow, time flies!! and we only able to see each other for two times, approx. every 4 months and each time no more than 2 weeks...LDR really wears me out.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by voiceofreason (785 days ago)

thirteen months, 5 visits (him to me and me to him and we to other countries). next month is the sixth. hopefully not the last!

rats, i meant your original plans (wedding). anyway - again, i admire your courage in pursuing your relationship. resignation...so brave. hats off to you.

(I am based in Manila)

Posted by Strawberry_Shortcake (785 days ago)

Been away from each other for 2 years. Saw each other 6 times last year in 4 different countries, from 3 day Frankfurt trip (me to him) to 2 weeks HK visit (him to me).

Good times, actually. But man, it is tiring from time to time.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Pumpkin (785 days ago)

Mine is in the same time zone as me - just for today..its akiller being so close (4hrs flight) and we can't be together. I just have to sit tight until Monday when he will be here with me for 2 days!!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by jay2004 (785 days ago)

Hi guys.
I made a mistake again and posted in the previous on.
Tia & voice of reason please,look at t & respond.

(I am based in Beijing)

Posted by Pumpkin (784 days ago)

There you go Tia..I told you didn't I. I'm getting that T-shirt.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by voiceofreason (784 days ago)

pumpkin, have a great time with your sweetheart on monday.

jay2004 - sorry but i have nothing more to say in that other thread. best of luck to you.

(I am based in Manila)

Posted by tia (784 days ago)

T-shirt? May need a memory refresher....

YEAH! It's Friday.

Pumpkin, have a great Monday and Tuesday!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by voiceofreason (784 days ago)

tia - i just read your latest post in the old thread - absolutely spot on.

jay - go read it. everything you need to do is there. good luck already.

(I am based in Manila)

Posted by Pumpkin (784 days ago)

You're spot on Tia (although its a bit like a slap with a wet fish to me)...can you please repeat that to my sweetheart -just leave out the bit about setting me free...although I would go back again and again.

And the T-shirt is that one that reads.."Yes, I am invisible".

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tia (784 days ago)

AH...right...that one. Was it you who told me of the shirt that reads "I do that thing that your boyfriend likes?" :) Maybe not....

Thanks for the kind compliments. I would like to slap someone in work today with a wet fish, so this is the next best thing.

Cut and paste it to whomever needs to read it. I though