Cheating Husband

Posted by 1920 (444 days ago)

I have discovered that my dearest friend's husband is a very active member of a sex club. His wife knows nothing of this and would be crushed. There is also a child involved.

What should I do with this information? I feel I have to tell her, but do not know how to.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by pinolino (444 days ago)

Couldn't you talk to him first? Perhaps behind your "discovery" is a different story? This way he knows that you know and he can take it in his own hands...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Ladybird101 (444 days ago)

First of all...how did you discover???
I think you should consider this before taking any action...did you find out from another female or male friend?? Do you know where the club is? Can you get more information about it??? Can you find out how long he has been doing this???
I agree with pinolino...it's a good idea to talk to him first, but get some more facts first so that you can confront him without him feeling victimised. In these situations there is always two sides to the coin, and he probably feels that he has a good reason to be doing it (perhaps something is lacking in their relationship that no one knows about).
If you approach him, it's important to keep in mind that he is not a bad person, but, yes, he has made a mistake....
It is a horrible situation for you to be in and I wish you the best of luck....

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by annebin (444 days ago)

Do you know the husband well enough to talk to him about what you found out?

I had a very good friend whose husband was having an affair and I learned about it before she did. It was a tough call to make, and I chose not to tell my friend because I knew she had suicidal tendencies.
I spoke with her husband who was my friend too, and made him realize the pain he will cause his wife and their chidren if he doesn't stop.

In the end, he made the decision to continue with the affair, his wife found out for herself and the marriage is now annulled.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by jwm (444 days ago)

Yes... How did you come accross this "information" If you did not witness this first hand and see it with your own eyes, how credible is the information and are YOU willing to break up a marriage over it. That being said, I do not believe this is somthing you have an obligation to disclose. There are too many "what if's" at stake here, too many changes that you are wrong and too many unknown facts. Fearfully I suspect that you will tell your friend anyway becuase you feel the need to and the fact that most of not all people cannot keep a secret.

If you really do not know all the facts involved and did not witness this yourself, it would be very irresponsable of you to do so. Just my opinion as aksed for.

Good Luck to you AND your friend

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by pinolino (444 days ago)

Also imagine the husband turns it in a different story and she believes him...Then your dearest friend becomes your dearest enemy. So again, try to contact him first might be the better way.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Royster Doyster (444 days ago)

Absolutely none of your business. So what if he is sleeping around? It doesn't mean he is a bad father.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by happyfish (444 days ago)

Only that he is a bad husband. So that's fine then eh Royster?

1920, agree it is none of your business, and if she does find out, just be there for her. She will certainly need a friend then.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by mpl (part deux) (444 days ago)

1920 - had a similar situation a while ago and actually posted on here. Difference was that the guilt party cnfided in me and I was friends with both of them. It was the worst situation I have ever been put in.

My strong, strong, strong advice is to stay out of it. if you elect to own this problem you'll end up owning more than just the fact he is running around on his wife. But there's also the small chance that there is an explanation for it that you're not privvy to. I have no idea what that might be but I cant suggest strongly enough that you stay away from it.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by jwm (444 days ago)

I remember that post, very similar subject matter and very similar advice to stay out of it...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by @@ (444 days ago)

I know it goes against what others have said but if it were my husband, I'd want to know - as crushing as it would be.

I'd expect my best friend to tell me she thinks something is going on. Perhaps you'd have to keep the details vague and allow her to discover the truth for herself.

And yet if I was in your shoes I'd probably keep the information to myself! Tough call, I certainly wouldn't rush to tell her anything.

So what if he's sleeping around? Well that would depend on the basis of your relationship, fine if you both agree it's OK.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by kopfan888 (444 days ago)

The problem here is that if you say nothing and she finds out that you knew about it but chose to say nothing then she'll hate you. If you tell her then she'll probably hate you anyway for destroying her marriage as in her case ignorance is bliss.

damned if you do and damned if you don't

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by BumpyDog (444 days ago)

Let's just suppose 1920 is correct and that the hubby is indeed an active member of a sex club - this implies multiple partners which increases the risk of std's. Doesn't the wife have a right to this knowledge so she can protect her own health?

This happened to a friend of mine and as if the hurt and betrayal she experienced wasn't enough, she could not sleep for the week she had to wait for the results of her AIDS test - which thank god was negative.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by stauntonstreet (444 days ago)

Yes, mpl's previous post was different though... a friend had confided in her. In this current instance, it seems you have come by this information separate from any disclosures by one or the other party. In your case, you have less pressure than mpl. Either way, the advice is the same: don't say anything, and keep right out of it. It's none of your business. Let it work itself out without your interference.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by the_poor_man (444 days ago)

Maybe she does know about it... and is also a "member"...

You might be surprised how many "swinging" couples there are in HK, and it wouldn't be surprising that your friend woudln't disclose such an arrangement with you, for fear of being judged.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by stauntonstreet (444 days ago)

that's right... she may be a member too... Who really knows what other people do? Best advice: don't ask and don't gossip.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by BumpyDog (444 days ago)

1920 - how did you find out about this and are you absolutely sure it is true?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tallaluh (444 days ago)

If you were my best friend and knew my husband was in some sleazy sex thing,I would want to know. As bumpydog says multiple partners, diseases etc. I would want to be able to protect myself.There is a risk of damaging your relationship with your friend, but if your information is accurate (and you should be certain it is), I would want my friend to take that risk. Be sure of your facts, but protect your friend.
Royster Doyster's, 'so what if he's sleeping around' is outrageous when the he is MARRIED.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by BumpyDog (444 days ago)

The 3 posters so far who think the wife has a right to know - assuming that you know this for a FACT - are all married women, myself included. Maybe that gives you some indication of how your friend might feel about the situation.

Of course if she does already know, and is even a member of a sex club herself, there is no harm in telling her.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by 1920 (444 days ago)

Thanks for all the advice. Unfortunately the evidence is very very strong, otherwise I would not bother to even make such a posting. I am not yet married so really appreciate the maried women's perspective.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Royster Doyster (444 days ago)

Look, I know this it not popular but he might just be going through a phase. It really is none of your business and not only will you wreck the marriage but you could destroy the child's life and future as well. Yes, you can ultimately blame that on the husband but it will be you who upset the apple cart.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by mpl (part deux) (444 days ago)

From a moral perspective yes I can see the dillemma in not telling her. But the fact is that if he is doing this then there are more people here who are affected than just him and his wife. Kids, mutual friends, extended families etc.

The only reason I advocate you keeping your silence is to spare you a large piece of grief. I say this because of the enormous guilt you could potentially bring on yourself if you are the one who is the catalyst for ending their marriage and splitting up the family. It is an unfair burden for you to carry.

Of course you need to do what you feel is right but be aware that whilst it may feel good from your perspective to warn your friend and unload your knowledge, it may be a different feeling the child has if their parents split. Royster raises an excellent point and whilst it might be an unpopular one it is certainly a realistic one - and one that I also subscribe to. Read through my previous thread on it (cant link it for some strange reason). It was a few months ago and a few of the posters who are giving advice here also contributed.

One question I think you should get some clarity on - if it was the woman (ie your friend) involved in the sex club would you still be inclined to tell her husband?

Good luck 1920. I feel for you because it's a sh$tty situation to be in and there is no right or wrong way to deal with it. You're right to tell her and you're wrong to tell her. Just spend some time weighing up the ramifications first.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by mpl (part deux) (444 days ago)

And also it should not come as a shock that most married women who post on here will say that they would want to know. I dont think that's in dispute and I agree with them wholeheartedly - they should know. The question is whether YOU can deal with being the one to reveal it and potentially cause the breakdown of a marriage. It's easy for spectators to judge you and give you a thousand reasons why you should reveal it - but I assume your posting here to get balanced advice. And the hardest part about this is the potential impact on the child - not the impact on the wife. A woman whose husband cheats has a better chance of moving on from her pain and anger over time than the child. Whereas the child will forever be impacted by the family split. Does the moral obligation outweigh the serious ramifications? Yes the husband is ultimately responsible but those are just words. It's an unfair position for you and if you do reveal it be prepared for alot of grief if the marriage collapses. It sux but that's just the way it is.

Sorry to rave on but I've been somewhere similar and the landscape only gets uglier the more you get involved. If you absolutely have to get involved because you just cant live with yourself then (and this will be unpopular I'm sure) I'd suggest you have a word to him, admit what you know and talk him through the potential impact of you revealing that knowledge. It may be enough to scare him straight, force him to re-examine his choices or take the issue on himself to deal with his wife. Let those who deserve it carry the burden.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by BumpyDog (444 days ago)

I agree that the break up of a marriage should not be taken lightly and the potential damage to the child is significant. But the cause of the damage would surely the husband's ongoing deception of his wife (assuming she doesn't know) - not what 1920 does or does not say to her friend.

My friend who went through a similar situation was devastated - it took her literally years to get over her discovery that the man she loved and slept next to every night had a double life.

She later found out that some of her hubby had hit on some of her girlfriends and some of her other friends had strong suspicions about what he was up to, but none of them told as they didn't want to rock the boat - and that hurt her even more.

1920 - the easy option is not tell to her and to hope she doesn't find - but do you think that is the best for your friend? You know her, we don't. Do you think she would prefer to continue in a marriage that is a lie for the sake of the status quo? or would she prefer to know the truth and be able to decide herself what to do with that truth - accept it and stay with him or move on and start again?

Not an easy decision - I don't envy you.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by MayC (444 days ago)

Well, as a married woman, I would want to know and I would appreciate it if my friend told me about it.

But make sure that the evidence is correct and not through word of mouth. The worse thing to do is to tell your friend and later find out that you didn't get the story right.

What a situation to be in!! Good luck.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Lady Wolverine (444 days ago)

I am glad my friends told me of my ex husband philandering, I owe them my family life.
on the other hand, 1920, I have been in your own seat little more than a year ago: because of my history, I though my responsability to let the truth ne known to my friend.
She and her husband went through hell, but came back from it, he broke up with his lover and moved back to family mode.
However, she has distanced a lot from me since he came back: she was very honest, telling me that she was so grateful i helped her, but that if she wanted to give a go to her marriage, i couldnt be around.
mpl is right, telling your friend might be at the cost of your friendship, it is your call to make: I do not regret mine.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by zelda (443 days ago)

Just put yourself in your friend's shoes, and act accordingly.
If your husband was having sex with multiple partners, would you like to know?

I was in that position once, and really hated the fact that other people knew about my husband's affair and nobody bothered to tell me. Knowing about it would have saved me time, as i would have given him the boot earlier.

At the end of the day, if he is cheating on her, as it seems, she has the right to know. A divorce is not the end of the world, as a matter of fact it improves a lot of women's life.

As to the presence of a child, well, a lot of children suffer more for being brought by parents who live a lie than living with a divorced parent who sets a good example and defends her dignity.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by zelda (443 days ago)

On the other hand, it might be worth asking your friend if she is active on that sexual scene. You might discover that they are both happy swingers.
But if she looks shocked at the suggestion, there you go.

Nobody likes to report bad news, but somebody's got to do it. Maybe you can find a more ellipical way to inform her... i don't know.

As far as i am concerned, i would have been grateful to whoever found the courage to tell me.
But again, i always prefer the truth.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by zelda (443 days ago)

typo, read "elliptical way"

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by jwm (443 days ago)

1920... Why have you not mentioned HOW you came accross this "very credible" informtion??? I personally think that is very important. You clearly could be vague and not disclose privledged information, of couse unless you saw him in person as the so called sex club

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by mpl (part deux) (443 days ago)

Was talking about this with a friend of mine yesterday - forgive the naitivity ... what is a sex club anyway? Is it a swingers club that anyone could walk into? Just curious.

And 1920 not telling the woman is by far NOT the easiest option, as someone here suggested. The more I think about it the more I still maintain you should step away from it but if you just cant then confront the hubby with what you know and put the onus back on him - he either tells his wife or you do.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Royster Doyster (443 days ago)

Don't do it 1920. Their relationship will never be the same again and the child will suffer ten times more than either the husband or the wife and it will all be because of your interfering. Rightly or wrongly, many men and women cheat because sex is important.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by zelda (443 days ago)

of course sex is important. Some married couples look for it outside marriage, but that has nothing to do with cheating. If i were no longer interested in sex, i would let my husband get it from someone else, and trust would not be broken as it's a decision we both agreed on. But in the reality, this scenario is very very rare. If this man is part of a sex club, and his wife doesn't know about it, what kind of travesty of a relationship is he having with her???

Royster Doyster, how would you feel if your wife was cheating on you?


As a woman, I know i am better off without a cheating husband. A divorced woman can rebuild her life, with our without a new partne.

Why would you deny her the option of walking out on a cheating spouse, dating other men, and maybe finding a more suitable partner??
Double standards as usual.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by zelda (443 days ago)

If you haven't realised, there is life after divorce.
If people cannot be faithful, they shouldn't get married. Singles can have as many sex partners as they want. It's their business. But you can't have the security of a nice home, kids, a loving spouse, and go to Wanchai every week. That's not part of the deal you made when you got married.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by ayumi (443 days ago)

I agree with Zelda on this. I'd rather know and wouldn't hold it against my friend if she told me.

1920, your friend's husband is showing no respect to her. Don't you think she deserves the truth?
What kind of marriage is this?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Royster Doyster (443 days ago)

So Zelda and Ayumi, what about the kid? "What kind of marriage is this?" One in which you have no business to pry I would say.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Royster Doyster (443 days ago)

1920. I have a file showing myself in comprising positions with numerous women. Can I e-mail it to you along with my wife's mobile phone number? You two can then meet up for coffee and cake at Landmark where you can then proceed to wreck my marriage and kids' future in a caring, sharing way.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by zelda (443 days ago)

My parents' generation would use the presence of a child to put up with a failed marriage. I thought we have made some progress on that front. A child can be loved by divorced parents. and neglected by married ones.

If your wife was having sex with a different man every week, would you use the same child argument and put up with her behaviour, or get out of that marriage with your sanity intact, and rebuild your life on more solid ground?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by zelda (443 days ago)

and if you are proud of your escapades with various women, i hope you are paying for your wife's psychoanalysis, regular cruisetrips to Jamaica, and close an eye if she spends more time with her tennis coach than her kids.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by jwm (443 days ago)

MPL...I have never heard or seen a actual "club" in the past 5 years, however, consenting adults to meet in the privacy of other peoples homes. I would be very suprised to learn that there is such a club in HK. I suspect it was in someones home, which makes me suspicious of 1920's information and how "credible" it is. Even if she deems it credible, I would not ruin someones life over it by telling the other partner. What if she is wrong... How would the spouse feel about her friend the...there really is no way of knowing for sure 100%, so without being absolutly certain, it's not a great idea to snitch

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by ayumi (443 days ago)

Let's assume somebody met this guy at one of those parties...I think this is enough proof.

Royster Doyster,
if you think of your wife as a nanny for your kids, and a maid, I feel sorry for you. In HK is cheaper to hire a domestic helper for these needs.
I would hate to be married to a man who thinks of me in these terms, and would take him to the cleaners once I have enough proof of his infidelity.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Ed (443 days ago)

FYI: we regularly ban some loser who spams our members with invitations to sleezy sex parties so without question such 'clubs' do exist in HK

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by kopfan888 (443 days ago)

ayumi you forgot to make sure its a high profile court case so his employers would know about his infidelities.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Royster Doyster (443 days ago)

What's the problem Ayumi? Sometimes marriages just don't work out as intended. This doesn't mean you have to destroy everything you have worked for together. There seems to be a bit of a puritan 'Taliban' streak amongst some of the ladies posting here and a desire for vengeance which is unhealthy.

Kopfan88. A lot of married men cheat. What would be the point of exposing him to his employers? Why would the employer care?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by kopfan888 (443 days ago)

Maybe because the employer wouldn't want a sex fiend as an employee thats why? And it could also open you up to blackmail thus put the company itself at risk.

Think of the bigger picture and the consequences of your actions as its not just about you and your weiner.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by zelda (443 days ago)

These sex parties happen in HK, as in the rest of the world. If my husband had expressed the desire to take part, I would read it as a sign that our relationship needs a major overhaul.Maybe I would take a holiday with him, without kids, and try to rekindle our sex life. Or maybe i would say, go, have fun, while i date that cute guy from work.
Or maybe i would take it as a sign that our marriage has no longer any chance to survive and part ways amicably.

Cheating is a completely different thing, you keep all the options open for yourself while denying your partner the right to choose. No healthy marriage can be founded on this premiss.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Royster Doyster (443 days ago)

Kopfan88. You've obviously been reading a mixture of tabloid newspapers and John Le Carre novels. Not sure what you mean by 'sexfiend'. Don't you think 'man with a large sexual appetite' or 'man who isn't getting enough sex at home' is more appropriate? Doubt if blackmail would be an issue unless he is working for the CIA.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by zelda (443 days ago)

A lot of husbands cheat...and a lot of marriages are ended because of this irresponsible behaviour. If you care for your marriage, then discuss your sexual needs with your wife. I am not a moralist, let alone a Taliban. I think that marriage is based on mutual respect. Your cheating shows you have no respect for your wife, as Ayumi said, she is just a baby-maker and a baby-sitter. Very sad.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by kopfan888 (443 days ago)

Royster

A lot of companies have a certain code of conduct obviously and don't want employees involved in that sort of behavious because your actions will reflect badly on your employer should it come out in the public domain.

I don't read either actually, I'm just calling it as I've seen it, even some companies frown upon office romances etc. You're in Asia now Royster where people will jump through hoops for any sort of benefit at other peoples expense.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by jwm (443 days ago)

OK folks everybody take a deep breath and settle down...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by mpl (part deux) (443 days ago)

Guys we're in danger of trivialising this pretty important thread me thinks. I agree the wife has a right to know if her husband is running around, particularly from a health perspective. I further agree that a child, or the presence of them in a family should not be the sole reason for the marriage continuing if there is a lack of love, respect, or if one of the parties is a habitual cheater.

BUT ... and this is what makes 1920's position so difficult, I do not believe that the way the wife should find out is by hearsay from another friend, as this will ultimately affect the friend revealing it. If the marriage breaks down and the wife & child are left devastated their could be a transferrence of guilt that 1920 unfairly may be burdened with. I firmly believe that what happens between two people in a marriage is their own business and any interference from a third party can lead to many unforseen difficulties.

The only workable option I can see is what I suggested before. 1920 confront the husband and at least there is an opportunity there to either understand the REAL circumstances and/or transfer ownership of the problem to him. 1920 can state that she is in two minds about revealing it and give the husband the opportunity to deal with this directly with his wife. A simple "tell her or I will" statement, even if it is a bluff, can alleviate the pressure from 1920 and transfer it to where it ultimately belongs.

I keep imagining a scenario where a mixed up guy got invited to a party, not knowing its nature and then was spotted before he left in disgust. Or perhaps he DID know the nature of it but realised his stupidity before doing anything. People may think those scenarios are remote but jesus - what if ?? Is it worth ruining a marriage and a family unit over?

Also guys there seems to be an awful lot of judgement going on here about people's ethics & morals, which I cant see as being productive in terms of the advice we're all trying to give 1920.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Justin Credible (Part Deux) (443 days ago)

I'm sorry but it all seems like a big cauldron of poo and Royster is stirring it over hot coals. I would skip the main course and avoid the heaps of salt as well.

Zelda is right, she's always had a good head on her shoulders about stuff like this, never known her to be a puritan or whatever, far from...and hardly out there dishing pity, its more of a fact...so your marriage dies, you stay on in it because it keeps you in cash, that nice house or simply a facade of suffocating normalcy...who gives a rats a*se? Whatever the reason one stays on and chooses to explain away why they stay...who cares??? It seems like Royster, you make these statements going on and on about how you cheat on your wife and how you'll stick your johnson into anything and everything as long as it has a heartbeat...why? What have you got to prove? Who cares??? I mean, seriously! Good for you, and yeah, would suck to be your wife, but hey, good for you...and you would have to be totally out of your tree if you want more people out there to feel happy for your wife or even envy her, I just dont get why you keep on and on about it. Its your life, do whatever you want to. Maybe your wife knows, and ignores it coz you got a great job and provide for her better than she can hope to do se herself...who knows, who cares! Good for you. Huzzah!

Now, back to the original post. 1920...do what you think you can live with. At the end of the day, things like this arent easy. I know someone who used to be a good friend...this someone now has a gf and what this gf doesnt know is that he has in the past engaged in "batting for the same team" bingo-bango...now I dont know if he is still doing it and even if he is, do you think its up to me to contact his gf and tell her to "be careful"?

In your case...its your friend (or is it your BEST friend?). And this husband of hers that she promised to be with through "good times and bad, sickness..."blah blah blah...do you know your friend well enough? How do you think she would react? Are you someone she trusts and respects? Coz if your friendship isnt as good as gold, then you will be looked at as a poo-stirrer and gossipmonger out to wreck her marriage. You never know what goes on behind closed doors, maybe she knows, maybe she's in on it too...

Up to you...we all say "If it was me, I would want to know" but we say it hoping against hope that our conviction and our trust in our partners is solid and well deserved. NO ONE reacts to this sort of stuff well...

Part of me says, not your life, not your business...who are you to play God.

BUT...

IF, and I say a big IF, this woman is your dearest friend and she trusts you more than anything and will see your telling her as genuinely looking out for her and not simply to watch her falter in life...then I would say, what are you waiting for? If you are certain you know enough to back it up, then tell her, she will be forever grateful. No one likes to look weak, she wont react well to you knowing, but she will still appreciate you telling her. All you can do then will be to support her through whatever decision she makes...whether it be to leave...OR to stay. Dont be too surprised or berate her if she stays.

Good Luck

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by 1920 (443 days ago)

I am very grateful to the contributors on this for sharing their experiences and views. Zelda seems to write exactly what I am thinking. Still confused as hell, but very much taking note of all this.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by the_poor_man (443 days ago)

I find it interesting that Royster still hasn't replied to the question about how he would feel if it were his wife doing the cheating.

Royster, answer this. If you found out your wife is a member of AFF and has sex with other men while you're at work (I know a few women in exactly this situation), and your best friend found out, would you want to know? And once you knew, how would you react to your wife's infidelity?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by the_poor_man (443 days ago)

Oh... and I agree with the suggestion to confront the husband first.

I also agree that kids of divorced parents can have great lives.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Ed (443 days ago)

Not easy to reply when you've been banned...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by the_poor_man (443 days ago)

My intuition tells me it's not the first time.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by scorpiomale28 (434 days ago)

I went thru the entire thread , and 1920 if u r dead certain about this , create a new id and send a mail to your friend explaining about what her husband is doing and see what happens .By this way she would get the info , she would in her own way start her investigation and if she allready knows it and has her concent, she would ignore this mail. just a suggession ... try it

Dan

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by French Girl! (433 days ago)

Sorry ladies, I don't agree at all!
Stop dreaming of the perfect husband. Men live strong internal erotic life; few women would accept their dirty thoughts.
And if it would happen to me, I would say as far as he is having safe sex, it is not my concern.
1920, sex has nothing to do with friendship, not even love! Respect his private secrets.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by jwm (432 days ago)

How about an update 1920??? surely by now you have either done somthing or nothing...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by 1920 (431 days ago)

jwm: thanks for the conern. Unfortunately/fortunately problem solved.
One of his members/lovers/mistresses/hoes/tarts/conquests/whatevers confronted my pal face to face, in full colour so to speak

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by the_poor_man (430 days ago)

And... any outcome? The guy got dumped?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Royster Doyster (424 days ago)

What you don't know can't hurt you (barring STDs of course). Glad to see enlightened French opinions on this thread instead of the usual hysterical and often puritanical Anglo-Saxon nonsense. A simple shrug of the shoulders solves a whole host of problems.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by chinapumpman (424 days ago)

hey french girl..
every man on the planet would like one of you...
i agree...puritanical rubbish runs amok on some of these posts...
what the eye does not see the heart does not grieve about..
we all have our skeletons...
let he who is without sin...cast the first stone...

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by clan (424 days ago)

All that 'free love' is all well and good if both parties are agreed to the 'rules'. However if one of you is unaware and the other is screwing around then it is called cheating. If both of you are ok with it then fine do what you want. If not and you want to continue then you need to find a partner who is open minded and accepting of this. Royster you are truly in there stirring it up.....I don't believe you for a minute...all bluff and bluster!

(I am based in Hong Kong)