Biggest liar

Posted by manicair (678 days ago)

No this is not a generalisation of the male population but my ex bf (want to vent).

Last Sat nite, I called him to catch up as he got back from holiday early. He was cool with doing something with me that nite, either dinner or drinks.
Anyway he txt me at 8:15pm to say that he was just on his way home & had dinner with a mate so we decided on doing drinks instead, so he said to have drinks at his place.
Got to his place later and we watched a dvd over drinks, mostly non-alcoholic ones.

He's phone then beeped (received a txt), later his phone rang and he was in the bathroom so as I used to answer his phone, thought it would be ok and it was a woman on the other line... funny enough, she was the ex ex GF (one b4 me), who he apparently told me when we 1st got together that she had left the Country and moved back to the U.K.. her number is clearly a HK one so I politely told her that he was unavailable then she hanged up.
I then (i know this is wrong of me) but I checked he's inbox on the phone and realised he's got messages from her and kept in in the inbox for months (HK no as well)! her last message was that she thanked him for dinner that nite!
Whatsmore he even got 2 other girls messages stored in his phone and I knew of their names as he said they were his friends when we were together but the messages was FAR TOO FRIENDLY to be just friends!
I then left his place without saying a word...He tried to call but I avoid them all.

I'm so glad that we are over and I was relieved before Sat nite but now that I see this side of him, it makes me think that we never had a 'moment' together, it was not special, I feel like I was being used!
I have in the right mind to really b*tch slap him! - Do I get the nod for doing such a thing?!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by chat_noir (678 days ago)

oh. you are invading his privacy. eeeeeerrrrrrrrrhhhhhh!!!!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by trix (678 days ago)

I don't know if there's any point in confronting him. The both of you have already broken up. You might still have some hope of getting back together. Take this to strengthen your resolve to walk out. Frankly, it's not worth it to get into a bitter fight over this. You'd just get more pissed off and take a longer time to heal. So he's a liar, nothing you say will change him. Walk out and don't look back. One day you'd be glad you did.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by aspect (678 days ago)

i suggest all ppl to invade the "so called privacy" when becoming suspicious... when in a relation, there shouldn't be anything to hide... if u can find out easily, that mean ur bf not treasure u enough to hide things in a more discreet place.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by The 13th Apostle (678 days ago)

Define "way too friendly" for just friends?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by chat_noir (678 days ago)

oh.. you dont know this - receiving too friendly message does not mean that he responded.
and privacy - i think everybody should have. Respecting some space for your partner is the way to gain respect and trust.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by rouge (678 days ago)

You really have no concrete evidence to go on. Your take on things is too subjective so you can't make assumptions on the texts, unless they said something explicit (good friends do joke you know).
There are countless, innocent, reasons for him not telling you about the reappearance of his ex.
Would he leave his phone for you to answer if he really was fooling around, I don't think so, I'm ultra-cautious when I want to hide things from my wife, and I'm not even talking about affairs, just little stuff (I know what women are like :0)
You've tried and executed him in absentia.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by MC JUNG (678 days ago)

maybe they guy never wanted her to answer his phone... we never know...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by manicair (678 days ago)

There was signs when we were together that I should be suspicious of but I did respect him back then to give him the benefit of doubt.
Look a women's instinct is never wrong and from Sat nite - the txt messages he had in his inbox and the 'outbox' was clear for me to know that he is not the person I thought he was.
I do believe in someway he was protecting me when he lied that his ex left the country but I do not see WHY he had to lie & said she LEFT the country?! She is a few years older then him so he told me it was the age difference and that she left HK.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by julyjade (678 days ago)

i guess for guys if a lie can avoid the argue and fight then they will do it.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by manicair (678 days ago)

I have done so much for him, supported him and now moving on is the only thing I can do. I wasted a good half year on a 'pretend' relationship, thinking the guy was in love with me and all the time he was playing the field.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by julyjade (678 days ago)

Lucky you find out in half and year. And i think it isn't a waste of time. You also had a good time with him right?? Move on and a better one will come along.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by nifty (678 days ago)

checking his emails and his text messages... it is an invasion of privacy, but then, if you'd just taken the message and asked him about it later without doing anymore snooping, he might have lied just to cover his a** and then you'd never know or always wonder but never have got enough 'evidence' to uncover him. tough choice. still at least you discovered his cheating ways and did well to get rid of him

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Jigglypuff (678 days ago)

Thank your lucky stars that you found out now and not when perhaps you were married with kids.
Although there is a saying: what we don't know doesn't hurt us.

(I am based in Kuala Lumpur)

Posted by chonJAY (678 days ago)

good job manicair!!! you did the perfect thing, just leaving and not answering calls.
keep this up.... and you are more than entitled, next time you see him out to throw a drink on him (always wanted to see this done.. but not a hot coffee)
then.. go shopping, hang out with your girlfriends and praise your lucky stars that you figured out he was a player and so not good enough for you!

btw... what is this crap about privacy invasion.. she checked his inbox on his cell phone.. AFTER a suspicious phone call.. like any other red blooded woman wouldnt be doing that... i reckon those of u moaning about privacy invasion are just terrified that ur partners will do the same and find out ur little secrets.... if u dont have anything to hide, what would it matter if someone looks at ur phone inbox???

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by manicair (678 days ago)

Thanks chonJAY.
I actually do feel sorry for my ex as he doesn't know many people in HK and he doesn't like going out much, so i guess his ex's are his 'comfort zone' in more ways then one (only assumptions here)?!. I'm not making excuses for him,I still think I wasted my time with him and that he lied to me was a big fat No-NO. still what is done is done, and sad as we could have been great friends if I knew nothing.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by New Jersey (678 days ago)

manicair, Regardless what people say about invasion of privacy I TOTALLY agree with chonJAY, if you have NOTHING to hide there would be no problem if the partner accessed the phone. Giving him the benefit of the doubt is just a way of us (the other partner) to continue being blind. I have been through that ALL THE WAY. adn you would be shocked to hear some of the things I told myself so as to believe him (He would have just the right answer to any question. Furthermore, he would get offended!!! HILARIOUS!!!! and all along I WAS SO RIGHT. I learned each of my lesson. I do believe in privacy as an individual ut when it comes to a couple there should be a different range.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by nifty (678 days ago)

yes, there's a different range of privacy when it comes to relationships, but checking through his messages? good for u that u got him but did you think about confronting him? then at least u don't hv to cross that line

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by New Jersey (677 days ago)

Although she did not bother to confront him. Sometimes confrontations take you nowhere. I spent years confronting my ex and I all got were logical excuses. I udnerstood as time went by that he had only got better at lying. Thanks God not ALL men are like these two.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by Jigglypuff (677 days ago)

If you have nothing to hide, there is no problem to search through your personal things such as phones, emails, bags, pockets, the rubbish bin is a treasure trove of evidence! Even drawers, medicine cabinets, diaries and wherever you think they've hidden things are up for grabs.
I suppose when the authorities want to microchip us so they can track our every movement, New Jersey, nifty, manicair and chonJAY will be first in line?
If you don't do illegal things you've got nothing to worry about. Who needs privacy when you've got hypocrisy? I hope none of you work in law-enforcement.

(I am based in Kuala Lumpur)

Posted by aspect (677 days ago)

the only place to keep secrets is inside your brain.
all my female friends who did the "checking" only regret that they should have done much earlier...
always trust ur gut feelings when something seems wrong and u'll be amazed what u discovered.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by nifty (677 days ago)

haha jigglypuff, ur opening line really gives me a laugh, but what do you do when u come home and find all ur stuff turned inside out while ur partner has been looking for 'evidence'? btw if u read the posts through again u'll see that manic is happy to hv caught the cheater red handed although she's ambivalent about what she had to resort to to do it, but chonJAY and NJ agree with u, i think, but i'm not sure cos ur post seems kind of confusing. at first u defending the right to find out any information u can, then ur saying that monitoring somebody's every move is a bad thing...?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by chonJAY (677 days ago)

jiggly.. as if all of us arent already being watched and tracked via sattelites, city cameras, cell phone gps-ing... and AS IF: you actually think when they start to microchip us all they will actually tell us... have u had a flu shot lately?
fyi....would kick a** in law-enforcemnt.. got to know the many creative ways break the rules to enforcement them, right?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by manicair (677 days ago)

nifty...what are you talking about??! - I defended in the action I took in the situation and it was a logical choice to do (answering the phone, etc). All in all I'm still not certain of the 'what could have been if I never did take the call scenario'.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by momo8 (677 days ago)

Let's hypothesize here...if you DIDN'T take the call and if you suspected he was cheating would you follow him around in a wig and dark glasses?sheesh.
Maybe these exes are his securiy blaket as you said 'he doesn't know that many people in HK'and he didn't want to make you jealous or feel worried if he told you the truth about this.
I can't stand people who open other people's mail,read sms go through other people's stuff in the hope of 'finding something'.Respect other people's privacy and they will respect yours.If you REALLY think there is something going on then check it out.
My husband was with some colleagues out for dinner and KTV and I sent him a message 'Don't dance naked on any tables haha' got a reply 'yeah sure you should see what I'm doing now hahaha' I thought it was from him and got really angry as other messages and replies were sent.
Turned out his friends were playing' with his mobile....called me up and apologised,so the point is people do flirt or make comments by sms which when taken out of context sound incriminating.

(I am based in Bahrain)

Posted by New Jersey (677 days ago)

It is unfair to think that any of us may have even searched on garbage cans. Just as Manicair said thhere is nothing wrong about answering the phone. In my case, I did never answered his phone. His habits changed and I thought he was into something, because of not SPYING and respecting his PRIVACY it only took me 4 years to find out!!!! He performed the perfect loving husband lotas of calls and regularly going to Guangzhou for "business". We would talk at elast 2 times a day. How could you doubt.I took his word and made an effort to continue trusting him. Secrets do nnot last forever. Destiny made its turn and it was him who gave me her number to call her becuase he had had a problem at the airport!

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by momo8 (677 days ago)

Sorry to hear that NJ,the guy gave you HER number at the AIRPORT because he had a PROBLEM?I hope you called her the next day and made him wait around for hours and hours,what cheek sheesh.
Yes it's a harsh way to find out,I just think there is a fine line sometimes between spying,paranoia,natural curiosity and coming across incriminating evidence by chance of course.
Some friends call or sms their boyfriends/husbands 20 times a day to check up on them,strangely enough they are all Chinese girlfriends.That would make any guy go bonkers but still they do it.That is extreme...but does happen.

(I am based in Bahrain)

Posted by Jigglypuff (677 days ago)

Fight fire with fire.
Go chonJAY!

(I am based in Kuala Lumpur)

Posted by jojo67 (677 days ago)

I would do the same as manicair!!! As she said, she has answered his phone before, she was polite the the caller and the caller HUNG up on her. I would be suspicious too and checking the txt message inbox is fine.
Although, I do have one question, how did u know it was the ex? Did she say her name ?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by momo8 (677 days ago)

I would hang up too what could you talk about anyway the price of rice in China?
Generally people will ask if so-and-so are there on a landline then hang up but HANG ON this is his MOBILE.She probably got a bigger shock than you did that you answered the mobile(assuming that was his elder ex or whatever) and he had a lot of explaining to do to HER also as to why YOU answered the mobile.
If they are an item then he's in big trouble.
Poor guy he's probably lost her as well and serves him right if he was cheating but if there is a plausible explanation then give him the chance to hear his side of the story if only to see what his explanation is before you end it all.
Could all be all perfectly innocent no need to fry his liver with fava beans and a nice glass of Chianti.
What a funny story so now which ex do you think he is contacting if you and THAT ex have given him 'the big flick'?

(I am based in Bahrain)

Posted by chat_noir (677 days ago)

about invading privacy-
-- I looked at his profile on Friendster and then i said to him "oh, seems you have a lot of hot chicks in your network" - (though it is none of my business but I felt a bit upset) he was pissed off and said I invaded his privacy and rejected my invitation.
-- I knew a girl through him. And I went out with the girl sometimes and once we talked about him. And then he came back to me saying that I approached his friend and invaded his privacy again.

Am I such an invader or he is just paronoid??

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by momo8 (677 days ago)

What's Friendstar?Dating website I guess,all guys like to look at young nubile things they just get embarassed when they're caught out.
You should have posted your own hot pic on that website.
As for gossiping with other so called friends about him that's totaly out.What are you doing children?Comparing notes?Yes that would definitely annoy the heck out of him.
Maybe the problem you face is that you want to find out information about him which he doesn't want to share just at this stage, and talking to 'a girl' he knows is never accurate you get all types of scrambled messages.
If you have issues then approach him directly don't make catty comments that just annoys people.
It could be that's just a friend website,somebody added me once to an MSN Hi5 group and I ended up with 300 connections which I never knew about until I started getting spam.That was a long time ago but harmless maybe he's worried you will contact those 'hot chicks' that's why he blocked you.
Just be straight with him and work out your issues.The internet can be a very strange parallel in people's lives.

(I am based in Bahrain)

Posted by chat_noir (677 days ago)

Friendster is not a dating website, similar to Hi5. I also caught him on a real dating website, but never mention it to him.
Yes, I did talk with that girl about him. However, I think she is my friend as well (after knowing her through him for quite a while) but not his "possession". Of course, I knew it was not appropriate and then I told her not to tell him - aiya, then she "betrayed me" - of course, they are buddies for years!! Silly me!!!
Anyway.. old story and now we are even not talking anymore...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by momo8 (677 days ago)

Ay double yaaaa of course if you tell someone not to tell that's why they will tell because you told them not to tell because tha's human nature.
Don't worry that Friendster is harmless,people post unrealistic profiles and images there just like here where people have many different nicknames as for dating websites....well not sure about that depends what type of 'dating' website.
Actually as I said before,the internet is many things to many people,for what purpose and how you use it is up to the individual.

(I am based in Bahrain)

Posted by nifty (676 days ago)

manic says... <still what is done is done, and sad as we could have been great friends if I knew nothing> i took that to mean your ambivalent about the method, but your happy with your method but ambivalent about the result, and here i am thinking that's a good thing too

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by manicair (676 days ago)

jojo67...her name came up on his phone, and when I first started going out with my ex, he did tell me about his ex. Also there was messages from her in his inbox(HK number!).

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by manicair (676 days ago)

ok unfortunately I'll be seeing my ex sooner then I thought- got invited for a BBQ with one of our mutual friends. Not sure if he is going or not, but if he turns up, I just need to act 'ccol' and avoid talking to him or be nice & be civil and in my mind think of slapping him?! To confront or not confront??what would you do?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by chonJAY (676 days ago)

can u bring a date? just be your confident gorgeous self, act natural, smile, laugh, have fun with your friends... he may not even talk to you... (men are a bit yellow-bellied that way)
remember u left him and have soooo moved on...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by nifty (675 days ago)

chonJAY, u seem really bitter

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by rouge (675 days ago)

He may have a very plausable excuse. Innocent until proven BEYOND A REASONABLE DOUBT.
You never know, he may turn up with a bevy of beauties just to spite you for dumping him for what he thinks is no reason.
Are you prepared to see him make out with other girls?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by manicair (675 days ago)

Rouge> No there are no plausable excuses in this case I'm afraid. You might want to make a visit to my other 'threads' regarding my ex- there WERE signs but I doubted my own gut feeling in the 1st place!
He is not the type of guy to make himself noticed in a public place, let alone at a friend'S BBQ.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by chat_noir (675 days ago)

if i were you, i would not go - it is just a BBQ, why not just go to cenima and watch a film??

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by The 13th Apostle (675 days ago)

Where is your BBQ at?

If its the same BBQ I have been invited to, I will make sure to avoid the scene.

Lol

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by manicair (675 days ago)

I want to be 'proud' and have my head held high at the BBQ. Not going to hide, I want to enjoy a night out with MY friends.

13th> Can't tell you now, you don't really want to miss it?! LOL

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by chat_noir (675 days ago)

haha.. "proud and head held high"... as if you are invited to a ball by the king.. lol..

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by rouge (675 days ago)

Care to give me a link manicair?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Royster Doyster (669 days ago)

Manicair, you really should tell us what some of these personal messages said, then we could at least tell you if they were incriminating or not. Your boyfriend is probably up to something (Like 60-70% of all men) but what I don't understand is why he didn't delete these messages if they were spicey. Speaking as a serial cheater, the first function I learnt on my mobile phone was the 'delete all files' instantly button.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by manicair (669 days ago)

Well we had a 'saying' that stands for missing one another and I saw one of the messages from a woman replying to him - "what does that (saying) mean..miss you xxxxx"
You see he never would have thought I'd look into his inbox, sent messgaes, etc on his phone...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by chat_noir (669 days ago)

i think it is very normal to say these things between close friends (opposite sex included).. i call my male friends "honey, babe".. "miss you". "xxxo" etc... but we are pure friends ..
anyway, he is the ex now.. just forget about him..

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by mariapiaster (667 days ago)

manicair

No this is not a generalisation of the male population but my ex bf (want to vent).

Last Sat nite, I called him to catch up as he got back from holiday early. He was cool with doing something with me that nite, either dinner or drinks.
Anyway he txt me at 8:15pm to say that he was just on his way home & had dinner with a mate so we decided on doing drinks instead, so he said to have drinks at his place.
Got to his place later and we watched a dvd over drinks, mostly non-alcoholic ones.

He's phone then beeped (received a txt), later his phone rang and he was in the bathroom so as I used to answer his phone, thought it would be ok and it was a woman on the other line... funny enough, she was the ex ex GF (one b4 me), who he apparently told me when we 1st got together that she had left the Country and moved back to the U.K.. her number is clearly a HK one so I politely told her that he was unavailable then she hanged up.
I then (i know this is wrong of me) but I checked he's inbox on the phone and realised he's got messages from her and kept in in the inbox for months (HK no as well)! her last message was that she thanked him for dinner that nite!
Whatsmore he even got 2 other girls messages stored in his phone and I knew of their names as he said they were his friends when we were together but the messages was FAR TOO FRIENDLY to be just friends!
I then left his place without saying a word...He tried to call but I avoid them all.

I'm so glad that we are over and I was relieved before Sat nite but now that I see this side of him, it makes me think that we never had a 'moment' together, it was not special, I feel like I was being used!
I have in the right mind to really b*tch slap him! - Do I get the nod for doing such a thing?!



<P class=small>(I am based in Hong Kong)</P>

I GIVE YOU A LOT OF TIMES NOD TO DO THAT!!!HE IS AN ASS****!!!!

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by adlib_entertainment (667 days ago)

What a total breach of privacy, just cuz he has messages from other girls doesnt mean he's cheating on you... when text messages come in, you can never tell the tone of it, how do you that the messages werent just sarcastic messages, and dinner... my god so what? its just dinner. I have had dinner with lots of other women during a relationship, its nothing like cheating on someone when you just have dinner.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by manicair (667 days ago)

adlib>Total breach of privacy...I think not!
Like I said I saw enough of the messages from his phone to understand them...and I do know how my ex works, it was the same 'tactics'...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by chat_noir (666 days ago)

you should not have checked other people's mobile phone message anyway. It is like reading others' diary and letters. Of course it is invading of privacy.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by manicair (666 days ago)

I disagree and I have no remorse for checking his phone messages...knowing my ex was a cheating and lying basta*d is a great relieve for me (coz I was right all along).

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by adlib_entertainment (666 days ago)

bastard has an "R" in it... just thought id bring it up. id also like to say that my comments have no hate or bad intentions, im just simply expressing my ideas, beliefs and opinions.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by momo8 (666 days ago)

Manicare and Mariaplaster what are these handles?Ads for a beauty range?Sheesh,how did the BBQ go with YOUR friends Manicare?You are just venting your anger and slandering this guy do you still have feelings for him?
Come on 'miss you xxx' is nothing,ther girl didn't say anything sexual or of a highly romantic nature,my cousin sends me messages 'miss you every day,every hour,every second when we are not together' should my husband freak out?Poor guy's English is not that great and he's just 18.
I suggest you stop your conspiracy thories and paranoia and stop spying on people,he never cheated on you and if you are behaving like this then he's well rid of you,sorry,but if someone checked MY messages or e-mails not that I am hiding anything,that's just not on.It's a total invasion of privacy and you are not married to this guy and you can't control who he is friends with.
You have friends who are guys surely,so what is wrong with him texting some woman.He explained it to you after all,why carry on?Ditch him as you did or believe him,where is the trust gone in relationships these days?

(I am based in Bahrain)

Posted by manicair (665 days ago)

momo8> That is why I'm venting coz at the BBQ, he did turn up and I confronted/talking to him about it and GUESS WHAT?!! He has been LYING AND CHEATING! so it was not any conspriarcy against him, it was me finding out the truth coz he was not men enough to say anything...he was extremely sorry about the whole thing but no way can I forgive him now.
BTW I did trust him when we were together but I didn't do anything about it til after we broke up- too late as well might I add.

adlib> the 'b' in the word bastard was purposely not put there coz I didn't want to write the whole word- Ed might say that the word could be offensive. Get a clue.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by chat_noir (665 days ago)

manicair,
what if your friend check your mobile SMS, wont you be mad?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by manicair (665 days ago)

I have a different type of 'relationship' with my friends. They don't lie or cheat on me that's for sure.
I know it was a mistake to look into my ex BFs phone messages but there must be some credit to be granted for doing so after we broke up..I gave him the benefit of doubt when we were together and put alot of trust towards him..I thought he was better then that.
Anyway what's done is done, and I was right with my gut feeling all along.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Electrode (665 days ago)

No credit manicair, you invaded privacy. The end does not justify the means, two wrongs don't make a right. You've done what you've done, it's water under the bridge and no amount of rationalizing by you and other women will ever make it right.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by manicair (665 days ago)

Well too bad your comments don't make me feel guilty at all. I'm relieved.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by techie (665 days ago)

if it's true love it don't really matter to me if my boyfriend take a look at my phone... if there's nothing to hide there's no reason to get angry, it's very hurtful to be told a lie and yes womans intuition has a very high percentage that she is right... and if she feels there's something that doesn't add up, women do have the right to learn the truth. two people who have a relationship in order for it to be succesful would have to be open and honest then you have trust...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by wisedup (589 days ago)

i dun thk wht manicair did was wrong. i respected my ex and trusted him with all my heart even though he was always so secretive abt his mobile. i've never checked or read his msgs. one month back, he just dumped me stating some stupid excuse. now i feel stupid. worse, devastated because i feel dumped and i always cant help but wonder if its cos of another woman.

manicair did wht she cld to proteect herself. what she did may not be right but the facts proved that she did the right thing. i dun get angry when my partner checks my phone. i've nothing to hide. unless he does it incessantly and for no rhyme or reason, then thats a different story. from another perspective, her ex is the jerk cos he knew that she trusted him and he is buying the hope that she will not check his phone. in my opinion, he is the one who betrayed her trust in him. thk she did the right thing.

manicair, i hope u are doing fine now..

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by Bhoy (589 days ago)

Two wrongs don't make a right. Any man with something to hide is bad news but from a guy's point of view any woman who feels the need to invade some guy's privacy is equally bad news. I went out with someone who read all my notebooks, broke into my email etc etc. That was 8 years ago. Two years ago she asked where it all went wrong. I didn't reply directly but I know it was because of snooping. Never ever ever trust a girl who snoops. They can justify themselves all they want but I would never go out with that type. And if it turns out they do start doing the insecure girl thing and start snooping - dump them and run away. Fast.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Hanuman (589 days ago)

This aspect of answering a partner's telephone is something I have had cause to consider. It is a very personal thing to answer somebody's telephone. Unless it were a close partner I would be offended if someone, even my best friend, answered my phone. The etiquette is generally to hand the person their phone or simply tell them the phone rang while they were absent.

If manicair thought she had an intimate relationship then she had every right to answer her partner's phone. Forget the text messages, she discovered the presence of the ex quite legitimately.

She had been given assurances about the previous partner which were false, and then found text messages confirming this then so, well, it is her life. If the guy hadn't been lying in the first instance manicair would never have had cause to check his text messages, so I support her decision completely. It's not as if she grabbed the telephone the moment he left the room. She was given reason to doubt her partner which gave her cause to check his text messages.

Yes people do exchange saucy sms at times, but usually with the current partner. Seems to me manicair wasn't having the relationship she thought, and the ex wasn't entirely ex.

(I am based in Bangkok)

Posted by ScotchDrinker (586 days ago)

manicair, I know exactly why you did what you did and how you must have felt at the time... suffice to say, it is my opinion that you've done nothing wrong. PS Liars never change.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by big eyes (156 days ago)

I'm curious, manicair. I was going out with a guy based in HK who said the girl she was with went back to the U.K. too. I was wondering if it could be the same guy, or the same guy using the same lie. I would like to get in touch with you to doublecheck but I can't find a PM function in asiaexpat forums.

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by T Bone (155 days ago)

To avoid to be a victim, I would say you are doing the right thing. Congrat! I am glad you made the best decision!!!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by chen234158 (155 days ago)

you did the right thing, girl!

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by !@# (135 days ago)

good for you. i hope you stuck with your decision.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by agreen (123 days ago)

My 2cents worth... once you're in a relationship with someone who has a history of cheating (even though it's not with you) and you feel like something is wrong and you snoop and you find something that indicates that person is cheating... well, it's easy to snoop again when in another relationship.
Yes, don't judge the new guy by the old guy... but the fact remains that if you have a bad feeling or feel like your bf isn't telling you the truth or is holding back something... then doesn't that drive you to snoop? And, if you find something while snooping, doesn't that support your actions? Not saying it's 'right' just saying that it works both ways, I don't think a woman would snoop unless she had due reason to ...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Pupalicious (103 days ago)

I think you should contact the girl who called and find out which restaurant they went to... it sounds like this guy was in the toilet for a long time if you had enough time to read all those text messages. If he was in the toilet that long, I suggest not going to the restaurant he went to.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by abnormality (103 days ago)

hahaha. true indeed pupalicious.

(I am based in Hong Kong)