Engagement Ring Etiquette

Posted by Little Carmen (311 days ago)

Right, so I have this friend, lets call him Bob. Bob, as recent as a few months ago, purchased a b-e-a-utiful under 2 carat, perfect diamond solitaire for his lovely gf at the time.

After setting the stone at a reputable jewellers, Bob had a whole romantic dinner thing sorted, got down on bended knee and proposed to his gf.

They became happy engaged couple. But alas, things were not to remain all joyful and full of song...

They split up.

Now, Bob had bought the bling from another friend who is in the know...and that friends company, as an offer due to special circumstances, has offered to buy the bling back at the price he bought it...which, truth be told, the stone has gone up in value since he bought it.

The money is not the issue to Bob...but he said he isnt sure if he wants to get rid of the bling, that maybe he can hang on to it.

"Hang on to it? What for? To give it to someone else? Thats messed up!" I say.

"Is it?" Bob asks.

"I dunno," I say,"I dont think I would feel cool about getting a cast off from some other chick."

"Well, I could use the stone and get it in another setting..." says Bob.

"Erm, isnt that the same thing, ish?"

So I said, why not ask a bunch of other folks for their opinion. Whats the story on this? Is is courting bad karma to give someone else a ring that got returned by the last chick you asked to marry you? Should my friend take the deal and get his initial cash investment back?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

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Posted by P.M (311 days ago)

The etiquette thing was if you broke up with the girl ie the guy/purchaser ended it then she kept the ring.If she calls it off she should hand it back.This has obviously happened so he is not the one who backed out.A free agent now.TBut if he recycles it....hmmm. I wouldn't want it if I were fiancee No 2 but then...how would I know.?Unless he told me.Oh dear.what if fiancee No 1 was still around ,saw it, recognised it and spilt the beans?word gets out .If it were a local girl with their horror of 'secondhand' here -yikes!!!
Not good.
Girls often wear secondhand wedding dresses in Western countries to save money....

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Little Carmen (311 days ago)

Yeah I agree with you...I mean, a dress is one thing...you wear it once...but the engagement ring karma...for me, its just a bit, hmmm....

So thats one person saying second hand ring is yikes unless my honest Abe mate, Bob, doesnt tell the truth about the ring, right?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by cara (311 days ago)

nah... kind of tacky giving it to next possible lady. new setting or not... i wouldn't want it.

"i'm not special enough to merit a little thought over the ring?"

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by P.M (311 days ago)

Carmen it just occurred to me that it probably happens more often than we think and maybe passed off as "this has been in my family for a while =heirloom"

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by P.M (311 days ago)

maybe he could keep it though and give it to his lady once they have been married for a while as ,well,a pendant or dressring reset of course AND telling her its sad history ie the TRUTH (how big IS it ?I'm getting interested now ,I LOVE diamonds....hmmm what the hell ;a rock is a rock,he he)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by nermal (311 days ago)

someone is selling a Tiffany ring on classifieds.

I wouldnt want it.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Hila Rious (311 days ago)

hmm, difficult choice.........

Prices of diamonds have gone up by almost 20% over the past 12 months, so why settle for just getting back what you paid? If you hold on you may be able to command a higher price and make a few bucks in the process

Alternatively, if someone special comes along meanwhile, you'll have it ready and waiting, so that's rather convenient too, won't you say?

As for not wanting to pass on the ring from an ex to another, the whole karma, sharma thingy, well I can see why such reponses make sense too

Afterall, all women want to be made to feel special. They treasure honesty and sincerety above all, so if you are absolutely sure you can fake it you've got it made.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by mangotango (311 days ago)

If the Tiffany ring is lovely and the asking price reasonable, I would be please to get it.

If the stone is beautiful and something Bob has gone out his way to secure and adores I wouldn't mind receiving it if I were his next "lady love". He must have loved the woman and I would be happy to be loved as much as her, that in and of itself makes me feel special.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Little Carmen (311 days ago)

Yeah, to be honest the ring is just a ring...top quality, the best...but as he said when his engagement fell through "Its just a ring". So for that thought...I told him to think about it as long as he likes...as I said, its not about the money or looking at the stone as an investment. Truth be told the value of it has gone up 10% since he bought it a few months ago...so yeah...

I guess in the end its going to be up to him what he wants to do with it...I just wanted to see if I could get as many opinions on it as I could and then show him the thread :o)

Thanks all, for your input, and if anyone else feels like throwing an opinion in, please, feel free.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Mr Cynical (311 days ago)

Sell it, make 10 pts on the original price, invest the cash, buy another ring later

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by applebubble (311 days ago)

what if he doesnt have enuf to get the same quality ring later??????

ok ok im kidding...

seriously, id hold on to it as long as poss ( to wait for a higher mark-up) and resell it hehehe

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by wonderfulday (311 days ago)

if the stone is a really good one why not to keep it. if one day find someone special just redesign it. give the whole same ring is bad. just the stone its ok.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by dont know why (310 days ago)

Hang on to it and pass on as a new one in a brand new setting to the next lucky lady.

My sister was given a ring....a familar heirloom but nonthless a "used" ring cause the ring has been offered to another girl before her by her husband when he was engaged to another girl in the past. Didnt work. She gave the ring back, he took it back, kept it, and then gave it to my sister some years later....without changing the setting or anyting 'cause...you know the family heirloom and all that. She was ok with it. She said that a ring is a ring is a ring. So hopefully Bob will meet someone as practical as my sister.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Little Carmen (310 days ago)

Yeah, I hear ya, but family heirloom is something thats passed down from generation to generation...its got history that runs deeper than just being a good investment, right?

A lot of good points thrown out here, good stuff.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by dont know why (310 days ago)

Yeah...and it helps that the ring is one of a kind Harry Winston.

But the thing is, do you think a man sees the engagement in the same light as a woman? In a sense that it will be the most important piece of a jewel she will recieve in her lifetime and all that De Beers lines? I certainly didnt think my husband saw it that way. He was honestly puzzled that I would even enterain the thought of spending tens of thousands of dollars on a ring when we could invest that money in a 7% yield government secured bond (or something to that effect) and double that money in X years and then purchase a home with the profilt which will generate a rental income of x dollars in x years...on and on and on....

We ended up with two gold matching gold band and invested the money in a mutual fund which since then trippled. So on good days, I feel smart for having invested the money rather than wear it on my ring. On bad days, I envy my sister's 5 carat pear shaped dimaond engagment ring from Harry Winston.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Sapphire (310 days ago)

Well, for me, getting engaged wasn't about the ring, or the size of the diamond. My husband bought me what he could afford at the time, which wasn't much, but we had the ring made to my own design. However, if he'd offered me a 2 carat rock, which I found out had been bought for someone else, I would not have been so happy ... and he could have kissed goodbye to the engagement until he presented me with my own ring.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Little Carmen (310 days ago)

Yes, a very good point about the whole "sentimental value" thing, Sapphire. Thanks for your input :o)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tia (309 days ago)

I agree with Sapphire. I'm very attached to my little ring from my husband.

If Bob never tells her, how will she know? Seriously, there is a big part of me that says, it is JUST a ring/diamond. If he changed the setting, I would accept that as well, given the price of diamonds.

I think it depends on the girl he chooses to marry next. Maybe she will be practical and maybe she will be a romantic.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Pupalicious (309 days ago)

I think it's bad karma. I mean, the last time he used the ring, they broke up. That's what I keep saying about these rented wedding dresses... what would you do if everyone who'd worn that dress had subsequently got divorced?

However, I think buying yourself a ring from the classifides is ok, because you don't know the history. And as they say, what you don't know can't hurt you!

(I am based in Hong Kong)