Playing with fire - A Case with an Ex

Posted by Imma Star (228 days ago)

So I dated this guy, Jason for about a year, then broke up half a year ago. We've been meeting up less than once/month after the break up for dinner but nothing ever happened. He asked me out for a day out last week so on Sat, we spent all afternoon and night together, and we were both flirting with each other and he even took me to this quiet park where we just laid on the grass and reminisced. After dinner, he had to leave (for work) but i felt the evening was ending prematurely. So i texted him later asking if we could meet up. He replied saying, sure come on over and then after talking a bit, we ended up sleeping together. AFter the deed, he admitted that he wanted to kiss me at the park but didn't know if it was appropriate to kiss an ex. We also established taht we are currently both single.

I haven't heard from him since and didn't expect to, and I'm fine with what happened overall. But then his good friend (whom he also works with), Simon, sent a mass email yesterday about his housewarming party. I never hang out with Simon and only know him through Jason. Simon's really sweet so surely he would've asked Jason if it was ok if his ex came, right? Bottom line is, should I go? Or would I be playing with fire? I do miss him, but feel I could never trust him.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Sodagreen (228 days ago)

It ultimately depends on u. If u can see yourself having a renewed relationship with Jason, why not? Or if u are able to treat him just as a friend after the deed (who r we kidding??), go ahead.

Otherwise, it might be best to treat this whole thing as just another friend's housewarming party. Go there with an open mind, u may just meet another nice guy who can sweep u off yr feet!

Good luck

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by mayo (228 days ago)

If I were you I would reconsider whether supplying names (unless they are fictious) is appropriate.

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by Robbie2007 (228 days ago)

Of course, go!

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by Shimaogirl (225 days ago)

I'd say - go with free spirit .. did u go ?

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by Imma Star (223 days ago)

I didn't go because as fate would have it, I bumped into my ex at a party Friday night. For some reason the first instinct upon sighting him was to flee and hide. Perhaps I wasn't ready to see him. But anyway, I figured it could actually be a good thing because I was meaning to speak to him about last week's incident anyway so I approached him, we started talking (but managed to skirt the whole 'last week' topic), he made a move, we started making out and we ended up back at his apartment - under his sheets. I even stayed the night and ended up having brunch with him the next morning too.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't want it too. I suppose I needed affirmation from his part to know that the previous week's incident wasn't just a one-off thing. But now I feel like one of the many girls on his roster of girls to screw when he's lonely, which isn't exactly something to shout from the rooftop about. At the same time, I'm comforted that he came to the party alone and not with some other girl. I don't want to be fretting over the whole 'to be with him' or 'not to be with him' thing, but yet I find myself doing that. Thing is, I have the best time when I'm with him, not just in bed, but out of as well. Of course there's a part of me that wants him back, but I can never trust him (which his why we broke up in the first place) so honestly, can someone just tell me whether I'm just asking for trouble? And that I should just walk away from this whole mess? What about living in the moment and seizing the day though?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Kate71 (221 days ago)

Why don't you ask him what he wants?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Little Carmen (221 days ago)

The question here is not what he wants, its what do YOU want?

We all spend a lot of time saying "I dont want that" but not really knowing what it is that we want. Its obvious that he wanted a shag and maybe the courtesy of sharing brunch with you...but the two of you have past history, its easy to feel "familiar" or "comfortable". Walking away from something or someone takes guts and honesty, not just with someone but with yourself. You say you dont trust him or cant trust him and its why you broke up in the first place...do you think that can change?

You are completely ignoring your gut instinct, as many of us do because we want to convince ourselves that things can play out differently...but in the end you find that your gut instinct was right.

Look at the last time you met up with him as simply what it was, you saw your ex, you shared a night under the sheets and out of that feeling of familiarity and mutual need to avoid going back to empty apartments you two shared brunch too...*shrug* No harm in it...not physically or immediate...but emotionally or whatever, its obviously made you doubt yourself yet again.

You know...you ARE one of the girls on his roster...and where you need affirmation that YOU are special above others, you are not alone. Just take it for what it was...a one off and him being a guy...he would be happy for a series of one off's, maybe even with you, but you know the deal about what you see and what you get, just dont convince yourself its more than that...we all have that weakness.

Good luck.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Kate71 (219 days ago)

Fair point - but it is also about what he wants - if he doesn't want commitment, then at least you know where you stand... ask him up front and then you can decide what (if anything) you are getting into..

but do remember to really listen to what he says and not then try and interpret it in a way that suits you... ie if he says he's not ready to be serious with anyone that's what he means - he won't change his mind just because you're in the picture

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by HKPJC (218 days ago)

This story blows my mind!

I mean, where in Hong Kong did you find a park with grass you can lie on?!?!

(I am based in Hong Kong)