Your stories please

Posted by Schmidt (245 days ago)

Hi there
I keep meeting women who have come to HK to be with their man - these are independent, professional, intelligent women who have given up their professional lives in order to prioritise their relationship. Once here, they often have no visa (if unmarried) and cannot work or even volunteer. They become increasingly dependent upon their partners who then resent the dependency and either have affairs or want to break up...

Do any of you have stories you're willing to share (not just women)? Did something similar happen to you? How did you deal with it? Did you manage to save the relationship?

Please share your experiences if you feel able.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Merci (244 days ago)

This is not independent. This is silly and insane and mad.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Little Carmen (244 days ago)

I personally wouldnt give up my independence and move countries for someone who didnt completely worship the ground I walked on! There had better be rose petals being thrown in my path to entice me to make that much of a commitment...life and love is hard enough without throwing a jobless factor into it as well...Faith and hope can only carry you so far...reality is a lot harder to cope with. Most folks who move for a bf or gf do so with all the good intentions peppered with a good dose of fear (of losing the one they love).

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Veronica Lodge (244 days ago)

hmmmm maybe they also come here for other opportunities.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Pupalicious (244 days ago)

Why are these women jobless anyway? I moved to Hong Kong to be with my boyfriend (because he worshipped the ground I walk on - Last time I went back to England, he was at the aiport with roses when I came back to Hong Kong) and I got a job within three days of arriving here. I had to wait a couple weeks for the visa to come through, but other than that it was fine.

If these women don't want to work and want to be dependant on their men, than that's their business. I don't think it's difficult to find a job in Hong Kong, and I was only 23 when I first came to Hong Kong, just out of Univesity and with very little experience.

Plus there are lots of things to do in Hong Kong, this is 'sposed to be the city that never sleeps! These women could even do something really crazy like join a language school and learn Cantonese!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Schmidt (244 days ago)

Thanks for the replies - but these women really aren't stupid - but they come with their men, because one of the couple has to make a sacrifice (and it's generally the women)- and they come believing that their relationships are solid (that their bf does worship the ground they walk on) - the relationship then appears to change dramatically because they're now dependent

Pupalicious - can I ask when you first moved here? I get the impression that it's not
so easy to get jobs/visas here now

I'm just curious as to whether this is a common situation in HK...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Pupalicious (244 days ago)

I came here 2005. I'm not that old!

My boyfriend is about to move back to the UK with me for a few years while I get some qualifications and build up some experience. He's now sacrifiicing his career for me. When I told my Chinese friends what we planned, they shouted at me and told me it was completely unacceptable for me to expect him to do this for me. However, they didn't say anything when I gave up my career and came to Hong Kong.

Interesting, isn't it?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by !@#$%^&*() (243 days ago)

I've just moved abroad for my bf as well...gave up my career in HK and now trying to learn a new language..I have sent out some CV's already as i don't want to just be dependant on him...now i'm keeping my fingers crossed that i hear back from the companies i've applied for...

Women need not do all the sacrificing...the guy would also do some sacrificing since there's another person depending on him...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Bubas (243 days ago)

I also came because of my husband. I used to have a really good job in my homecountry and have to leave it to come here. Was not easy at all. I found one in hk quite quickly but it was not in my field and I get bored so I stopped it one month ago when I started to seriously looking for a job in my field, now that I am ready to work 100% again. I am learning chinese and german. So my days are not really busy as it used to be..but I am doing different things I didn't had the time in my home country and I have my independence anyway.
I think, when you start to feel well in hong kong, your independance start to be "alive" again.
Yes..it is hard for a couple to live this experience. And I felt emotions since I am here I even didn't know it exists. Now the relationship starts to be as it used to be in our homecountry...but we had to be strong and went through some difficult situations..but now it is really great.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by evildeeds (243 days ago)

My story is different in that I am a man who did this. Regrets, none. Opportunities in HK, plenty. Couldn't find a job for a while myself as my previous fields of work are not really here in HK, apart from the usual teaching English. But got myself out and about all the time and started my own company. That is now 4 companies and very little time for myself as such but all worth it.

People only become increasingly dependent through choice, sometimes laziness. Sometimes it does take a while to find a job, but at least that take's up the time!

(I am based in Hong Kong)