He already has two girlfriends...

Posted by bobomao (288 days ago)

I hooked up with this 40-year-old English guy two months ago; conversation was good and sex was good and he was quite honest with me and said, "I fancy you enormously but I've got two women waiting for me to propose." I asked, are you going to propose to either of them? He replied, no, coz I don't feel it. But still, he said he's got too much on his plate to start another new relationship but then said he'll be a good lover. I asked, what do you want from me besides sex. He said, good company from time to time.

What the hell is this man thinking? he wants to keep three women at the same time?? he claimed he had told these two girlfriends that he won't propose but "they just didn't take no as a no"...and he said he's just too soft-hearted with women and would't want to see them disappointed. I can see he actually genuinely likes women but still, who does he think he is?? Don Juan??

The thing is I'm quite attracted to him but at the same time I fear for myself if going any further....

Should I just run a mile from him?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Aulelei (287 days ago)

No.

Run 2 miles from him.

Unless you dont mind being girlfriend number three, only good for sex and company from "time to time" - which means of course, only when its convenient for him. Dont look for anything more than that here, and you'll be fine.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Aijin (partly perpetual) (287 days ago)

Doh... just one question...

Why did you have sex with this man and expect any more?

You offered and he took and/or vice versa...

He now has three f45k friends you know about...

*SMH*

In response to "What the hell is this man thinking?"... he is thinking you are an easy lay... like the others he has/picks up... just another notch... but at least he was honest to state no more than from time to time (when he has time and his others have no time)...
.

Oh and one word you need to learn - respect.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by m_gz (287 days ago)

So before the '2-girlfriends' speech, things were good? And you're still attracted to him despite the kick in the teeth? Because if you wanted to 'run a mile' then you'd have done so by now....and never have posted above.

So I'm going to stick my neck out and advise a bit of caution....FOR THE TIME BEING. I'm advising (dare I say it)...er...a provisional benefit of the doubt...PENDING...

..PENDING I SAY...

...a more complete knowledge of the facts...and to see where things lead. Stop snarling at me like a pack of wolves ladies, bear with me, bear with me please....

His 'revelations' weren't meant to impress, men don't lie about such things (quite the opposite) so let's give him that. He also appears to be attracted to you, non-physically as well, so let's give him that too.

You do get men incapable of ending relationships - I know 2 such expats in GZ. Their 'problem' is also exacerbated by the 'won't take no for an answer' attitude of many women in this part of world. The messy scrapes they get their lives into because of it makes for a miserable existence sometimes. However, I'd also say the pair of them are good, honest, decent guys, not womanisers. Is is a real problem - an inabilty - and causes nothing but grief.

Also, your 40-year-old has 2 'girlfriends' but he courted you for 2 months? Doesn't say much about the girlfriends + his relationship with them, does it? Sorry to be crude/insensitive, but I'm also assuming he could visit either girlfriend for intimacy? Certainly far less hassle than courting you + then telling he had 2-girlfriends.

So grant him a reprieve if you're able - until you know exactly where this guy is coming from - then make appropriate decision - that's my advice.

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by m_gz (287 days ago)

I just doubt that anyone, even a man, ok, even a British man like myself, can be THAT much of a complete and utter tw*t. That's why I'm putting forward the "possiblity" that...er..he isn't.

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by Justin Credible (287 days ago)

Hard work...it all seems like too much hard work! Lol. What answer do you think you should get for that question? Nah, dont run, stick around for sex and a chat, life simply doesnt get any better than that? Shaaa, nope. Run, Forrest, Run!

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by AngelinaShum (287 days ago)

Be with him, get 3 more boyfriends, have tell him exactly what he told you,...is that what you expect? If not, then clear cut.

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by Glowac106 (287 days ago)

This man is too vain for himself, properly he got more girlfriends than he said. How do u know if he got wife and kids back to his home town. He shows no respect to u ATALL. He is telling u that he just want to Fuxk u whenever he want. But u still didnt get it and still attracted to him. What a INCREDIBLE WOMAN u r.....

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Claire (287 days ago)

If he wants sex and good company from time to time, tell him to go pay for it. This man seems to be incapable of a mature relationship. Find a grown up instead.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by LovelyD (287 days ago)

Depands on what you want from him ? If you only want sex , then keep seeing him otherwise leave him now.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by balzac (287 days ago)

well do you want to wait till you 'catch something' before you run?

He's already put in his 'disclaimer'.

Dont make a fool out of yourself

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by bobomao (287 days ago)

yeah i think i was just subconsciously hoping he could change his mind and be done with his two gfs...he does appear to like me a lot and did say many sweet things to me and i believe he actually meant it...or maybe i was just too naive...

my rational self told me this is not going to happen...more complete knowledge of the facts is one of his gfs is in singapore (7 years) and the other is in hk (not sure how long but looks like a year or so)...too heavy a baggage to get over...

btw, thanks for all the replies...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tigerbay (286 days ago)

Someone said this above.
Girls here wonn't let go.

But if pussy is on a plate, most normal guys won't turn it down. That is why affairs happen.

And now you, bobomao, don't want to let go either.

Sure the guy is a bit of a twat, but the world is full of b'stards (and a fiar share of b'tches for that matter).

You know he is a cad and you still go play. Your fault as much as his.
Sorry no sympathy here.

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by marigold (286 days ago)

Due diligence, people.

I wouldn't jump all over that English bloke.

From the post, it is quite possible that that English guy is just into open relationships, and not necessarily cheating on anyone (meaning, it possible that all involved parties have full disclosure). He was, in fact, up front about what his deal was with the original poster. I don't think that he is a bastard (otherwise he would have just done what a million other guys do-- nondisclosure + leading the poor girl with insincere promises etc). That guy sounds totally wishy washy and weak. He just can't get his act together.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by balzac (284 days ago)

Dear bobo,

The man will not change for you. I know you can't help but to hope or believe it.

You will only hurt yourself and waste your youth on this man ( like the 7 years gf in Singapore) if you go into this.

Fun conversation and sex does not equal love. It is fine if you just want sex and nothing more. But you dont.

So move on.

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by Justin Credible (284 days ago)

Yes, it appears the English guy is really good at picking women with low self-esteem. One could say that he was doing nothing wrong if he had full disclosure, but one could also say that he was perpetuating the whole thing of making women value themselves so little.

Sure, each had a choice in this and they know what they chose...but he seems more like a buzzard than a lion, hardly someone worth dating at all...

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by balzac (284 days ago)

He probably thinks he's a sex god and having several women in diff. cities is an enormous ego trip.

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by John-GZ (284 days ago)

Or... He could just use the "I already have 2 girlfriends" line in order to A) Keep you from looking for more and/or B) Keep you trying really hard (in and out of bed) to be his "only" girlfriend.

The reality probably is that he doesn't have any real girlfriends but just tells Asian women this so they won't want anything more than just sex.

It is amazing how well this line works. I know of at least 2 expats (and a couple locals) that use the same line.

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by bobomao (284 days ago)

he does have two girlfriends, and they don't know about each other. he said it's been mentally exhausting because he doesnt want to hurt either of them.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by My Hong Kong (284 days ago)

Oh!

It must be physically exhausting too.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Justin Credible (283 days ago)

Oh my world, I could make so much money if I manufactured a bs-ometer! Lol. Like someone else said, I hope you have taken the advice and are NO LONGER seeing this plank.

Do let us know what progress you have made in ridding yourself of this bs-generator.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by mjo (282 days ago)

bs or no, she doesn't want to leave him. wouldn't post here otherwise. despite all the oh-so-yawn!-predictable posts from wimmin, it might just possibly turn out alright.

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by balzac (282 days ago)

Mjo-I'm sure you've got something snazzy and out of the world to write then?

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by mjo (282 days ago)

just did. feel the burn.

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by balzac (282 days ago)

that was it???

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by bobomao (279 days ago)

I did try for the past few weeks not to see him, and I'm still in the middle of the very painful process of getting over a person...

And I'm more puzzled, or troubled, about the fact that apparently everyone I trust and tell about this thing thinks he's an a**hole but I somewhat failed to (probably still cant) see that.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by mjo (279 days ago)

Did I fail to impress you balzac? My controversial, against-the-grain, even "punchy" post lacked excitement did it?

"Insufficiently snazzy?" indeed - never had that said to me before. Not sure I like it though. Dear me. Dear me.

I'm just interested to know if 40-yr-old is really as bad as described in first post. Because I doubt whether he is as terrible as he sounds you know. More a 'victim' than a 'bastard' sort of thing.

How about that for cool logic?

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by P.M (279 days ago)

bobomao you don't see him as an assthingy because he isn't ...he has been honest as far as we all can tell.The thing is ,he probably can't commit to lunch. Now ,if you knew his track record at all ie married ,divorced ,how many times etc that might give you a pattern to work from as to whether or not he has the capacity to get real in a relationship re commitment.There are men who never do.he may be one. What do you want?Can you get it with him? or is it all going to end in tears (yours) ?You already know the answer .

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by mjo (279 days ago)

Yes, yes, that's solid PM. Not snazzy perhaps but solid.

After the merciless description of the boyfriend, I'm surprised he hasn't already been lynched by a screaming mob and put to death on the spot. We need an update on the latest statements bobamao if you don't mind. What's the latest?

So far it's been Dial-a-Cliche with The GZ Wimmin's Liberation Front, how many miles she needs to run was the only area of disagreement I think.

Mind you, perhaps the answer is in his name:

An anagram of "40-year-old English guy"

is

"Aged 40 Horny Ugly Lies"

(I am based in Guangzhou)