What would you do if you know your Father ...

Posted by meiji (360 days ago)

is having an affair? My mother suspects it, but rather not confront him, but she is always angry deep down inside. He of course does not know why she reacts explosively at the littlest things, therefore, their relationship is growing more distant every day.

Would it be appropriate for me as their child to talk to him, and confront him? My mother is always talking to us (her children) about this, but not proactively doing anything except getting upset and venting in front of us, but avoiding the topic with him whenever she is alone with him.

My father is the LAST person you would suspect ever to have an affair. We are a very tight knit family. He is a very responsible man to his family, at least to his children, we feel he was.

Like to hear what others will advise.
My father is heading to around 60 years old soon.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by car_lover (360 days ago)

It's a good idea to confront him and see what's going on and try to save ur parents from separation.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by hkchoichoi (360 days ago)

if you know for sure...

I'd talk to him. I think most people - if they knew that their child knew - would have a momentary shock and it would cause them to gain some perspective. In a non judgmental, not confrontational way - let him explain in his own words what is going on. And you shouldn't be on one side over the other - you should be on the side that wants them together - so pitting yourself against your father isn't going to help.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by Claire (360 days ago)

This is between your mother and father. When your mother begins to vent, tell her to talk to him about it then change the subject or walk away. Interferring in your parents' relationship will screw your relationship with the two of them.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by Justin Credible (360 days ago)

Agree with Claire. My mother gave me this wonderful pearl of wisdom about getting involved in stuff like this. When she was a teenager she went through something similar (maybe not cheating, but just as bad) my grandfather was a compulsive gambler and basically gambled them out of house and home. My grandmother was always yelling and angry with him and kept saying she wanted to leave him (my mother was the youngest of 3 kids) so finally my mum said to her "if you think it will make you happy, then yes, leave him" but of course, my grandad was all sorry and "Please dont leave" and so my grandmother stayed. She never let my mother live it down. Made my mother feel like she wanted them to split when my mother only had my grandmothers feelings in mind.

My folks too have gone through this sort of stuff, with infidelity, but we as kids did our best to make them see that there was good in both of them...but I also said if she was really unhappy that she had to do what was right for her or I would be a hypocrite telling her to stay with a man who cheated on her repeatedly and was insensitive to her pain.

In the end the drama continues. They have been married 36 years and I know they are still very much in love. I talked to my Dad when they went through the roughest part...well I talked to them both. My father needed the help more as he is one of those guys who thinks that sending some roses and giving a hug will solve all his problems...not the best communicator.

I think talk to your Dad, not as a daughter but as a friend too. Many men dont seem to realize how obvious they are when they are being careless with the ones they love. Maybe if you tell him what you feel your mother is angry about it will give him some insight and at least, if only temporarily, he will try to be more empathetic and attentive. At the end of the day though, it is their marriage...they have been together a long time, there are ups and downs, if your mum is in her late 40's or 50's I would even go so far as to say that it could be menopause...the whole thing of feeling unappreciated and angry and wanting a break from the other person who she feels has taken her for granted...may be the issue, but hey, I dont know your folks. All I know is that we, as a family, at some point had a hellish 5 years when my mom's hot flashes kicked into overdrive! Lol.

Hope you can make it through ok. Good Luck..

PS - But hell, maybe your dad isnt even having an affair, right? Ask him about that first and foremost. At least with my dad we all kinda knew...and my Ma never made any secret of her anger about his indiscretions. Innocent until proven guilty, right?

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by rm_60611 (359 days ago)

Your mother should ask your father straight if he's having an affair, not you.

(I am based in Kuala Lumpur)

Posted by Hee Larius (357 days ago)

I'd blackmail him for everything I wanted but never got :)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by jip60 (353 days ago)

stay out of it , let parents sort it out , if u get involved u will get hurt deeply

(I am based in Bangkok)

Posted by car_lover (353 days ago)

I guess Asian n Western approach are different. If my mom dare not or won't voice out, I wld. They are both my parents...definitely wanna help make it work. Of cos there must be proof of him having affair.

(I am based in Hong Kong)