Need a bit help

Posted by Bubas (317 days ago)

Hi,
My husband and myself are here since few months. We used to have a wonderful life together...was like magic ! We had have some other experiences before we met, and we were just amazed how our love was strong and how our relation was just perfect.

But since we are here, he is completly out of our relationship, thinking only about his job. What I understand as he get a lot of pressure and has some many things to do..but as I left everything in my country to come here..I am not completly myself and selfconfident as I used to be and I feel I am not strong enough right now to give him everything he needs. We are talking a lot and realized the situation. We both want that things come back again like it used to be. We are both not so good now with ourself so we have difficulties to be good together. Any advice will help me to get stronger..thank you for your help

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by momo8.. (317 days ago)

Support him all you can but make a life outside the marriage for yourself.Friends,hobbies,new interests,job,trips.Don't rely on him so much to be your lifeline and don't obsess about "how it was".

This is the present situation and you need to adapt.Go to counselling,I hear St John's mentioned here often enough but let him have his space too.If you smother him and he can't concentrate on his work he will blame you for that.

It takes awhile to get used to HK but be strong and you will do it then your good rapport with your husband willl come back when you have both found your niche.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (316 days ago)

New environments can deflate our self-confidence. However, be assured that it is the nature of Hong Kong to have a continual stream of new people here, so you will find many others like yourself. Join in. Many wives who don't wish to commit to a job join associations like the American women's association (it's not just for Americans), or other community associations like Samaritans, volunteer at schools and hospitals. Many organise and/or go to fundraising lunches with speakers etc. There's another world out there of women who are networking and helping each other and others. Contact the Hong Kong Community Advice Bureau 28155444 to get a directory of services in Hong Kong. This group also create little booklets on settling into Hong Kong.

You will find that you will have to redefine yourself and your marriage in Hong Kong. You have a strong base to work with. Work on building a comfortable and loving home environment. Buy flowers, play music, even if it is just for yourself. Don't lose confidence now. Reach out and join in. I am sure there is something here to suit your interests and the time commitment you want to put into it. All the best.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by joeyclaris7 (316 days ago)

hm ice-cream tends to lift me up when i have a problems... simple things make a big difference if you know what i mean

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Bubas (312 days ago)

Thanks for your advice ! I guess a lot of wives were in the same situation than me right now. Does someone can send me her story ?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by notmeok (311 days ago)

i've moved to many countries. the first is absolutely the toughest and it's also the toughest if you grew up without a lot of changes in schools, locations, etc.give yourself time to grieve and be sad because you miss your old home. give yourself time to fall in love with your new home, even if it's only temporary. the job will be the focus for awhile as your partner will be trying to impress his or her boss, figure out the expectations, etc. What you can do is to pretend to be happier than you are. He brought you here and if you aren't enjoying yourself, he will feel guilty so don't fuss too much.

(I am based in Hong Kong)