Is it true

Posted by lambada (317 days ago)

Is it true that we always date similar people? Is it possible to break the cycle or will we just find that we are incompatible with other types?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by aloneforaday (317 days ago)

psychologist always maintains that we date men that are similar to our fathers or a significant male in our lives. the similarities always involves certain aspects of personality and mannerisms. hence we seem to date similar men.

on another hand we date men who are similar to our own personality. on that basis, we may find ourselves dating men who are least similar to our personality as "incompatible" with us

i thinkthe adage "takes one to know one" works quiet well on this case.

it may be possible to break the cycle. but it will take a lot more work to make it work.

based on my experience, i get along better men who have a similar personality to me than men who are least similar.

yeah i guess we date similar men..

(id may be wrong tho)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (317 days ago)

Yes... and men date women they think their father's would envy or approve of. The father is so influential. Men though, don't seem to know this consciously.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by aloneforaday (317 days ago)

no body does.. its hard wired in our systems.

you can understand a person who is more like you.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (317 days ago)

Yes... or someone who has had similar life experiences. Co-dependency is the notion that helpers attract the needy, weak attract the strong... Schopenhauer had the theory that we are biologically attracted to people who would even out our oddities to avoid genetic monstrosities occurring... i.e. crooked nosed people subconsciously fall for straight-nosed people etc...

I think we all want someone who precisely fits our gears... and not necessarily some objectively beautiful or rich and handsome man. We may go after that kind of person and find they make our lives miserable.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by McAlpine (317 days ago)

no , when i find a "date" i am looking for variety and differences. Could be physical , psychological , nationality , personal interests or "mind-set" , its possible that our "long term partners" we have less choice in and mimic our parents. I do not look for anyone who precisely fits anything.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by selda (317 days ago)

Life is a bitch.
I am usually attracted to men like my father, that is very handsome, emotionally distant, apparently confident, but deep down quite insecure.
Well, it's a recipe for disaster.
On the other hand i attract very likeable men who have been trying very hard to have a relationship with me, but i my heart is not there. I tried and tried and tried...but in the end i always fall hard for the messed up ones rather than the nice, solid, caring, devoted types.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by Maarit1984 (317 days ago)

selda: join the club... i think its the same problem for most of us single women out there...
:(

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by lambada (317 days ago)

Interestingly, I think all the responses are from women. I wonder if men are the same?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by aloneforaday (317 days ago)

i think men are likely to have a variety of girls personality wise and appearance wise

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by momo8.. (317 days ago)

Then there is the pure lust factor and opposites attract,or why so many divorces,breakups and cheating?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by San12 (316 days ago)

Does anyone believe in horoscopes? It's curious that I am often drawn to certain star signs, even when it comes to platonic friends. Not that I consciously look for people born on certain dates but when I really get along with someone, I am often surprised to find that his or her sign will match mine.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by lambada (316 days ago)

There has been a couple of threads on horoscopes already, which is why I didn't mention it. I always get Aries. Both my G/F and ex wife have the same birthday. I'm scorpio.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by San12 (316 days ago)

I looked up Scorpio-Aries compatibility and it seems like a challenging match:

http://www.cafeastrology.com/articles/venusscorpiocompatibility.html

For me, I don't say no immediately when I meet someone with an incompatible star sign but I certainly take more time to get to know them before getting together, and watching out for the potential problem spots that have been highlighted.

I'm a Leo and over the years, I've learnt that while I can be great friends with Gemini and Leo men, I don't want to be with them in a romantic relationship. In fact, some of them are still friends and I have no desire to bring the relationship further.

But I guess there're always exceptions to the rule. Life often works in funny ways, so let's see...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by McAlpine (316 days ago)

i am male , lambada. I cant answer for all men but if we are just talking dating , i dont beleive men are thinking of their mother , but in marriage ... it is possible. Men like variety , thats why these forums are full of men looking for something , anything .....

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by joeyclaris7 (316 days ago)

Relationships happen before you even know the person... (my opinion at least)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by My Hong Kong (316 days ago)

Joeyclaris7...you wrote one tiny sentence, but I think that there is a lot of truth in it. In recent years I have dated men through online dating sites. I knew who I wanted to get involved with and who I didn't before seeing the person in real life or knowing much about them. The relationship basically started BEFORE the date.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by selda (316 days ago)

Some relationships might start only in your mind...i must be a hopeless romantic because after sleeping with someone i start thinking that i am in a relationship with him...the problem with online dating is that there is no way to tell if the guy is sleeping with other people. And he could be lying about his job, address, marital status, etc. All you have is a mobile phone number and an Internet address, and both can be cancelled in 5 minutes.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by My Hong Kong (316 days ago)

Indeed it's possible, but there are lots of good people there as well. And you can save a lot of time by applying very simple guidelines. For example, if after 2-3 emails (which are a bit longer than one line) and a phone call...you haven't got an invitation for meeting in real life...drop the "potential" date. The ones who are serious about dating do not drag things long at all. Well, just my experience. Also, people who want to meet can't lie that easily about everything...and if they do...you realise it very quickly.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (316 days ago)

It's really interesting, I read joeyclaris' comment in a completely different way i.e. to mean that one is not aware of 'the type' until after the relationship begins, so that there is something drawing us to particular people.

I agree with this observation (if that's what Joey meant) that we connect somehow before we know the person fully, or even at all - that is, the significant relationships.... Anyone read, 'Blink'? I think the concept is sustainable... I also think despite our attempts to 'over-ride' our unconscious preferences such as Selda says, we often end up being attracted to the same type. (I think this is the point of the film The Eternal Sunrise of the Spotless Mind for anyone who wants to mull over this idea).

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Pumpkin (316 days ago)

Do what you always do and get what you always got.

But I'm
always crashing
in the same car.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by momo8.. (315 days ago)

They do say your soulmate is a mirror of yourself.Just make sure he is not a picture of Dorian Gray.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Aijin (partly perpetual) (315 days ago)

Or a darian fruit...

(I am based in Unspecified)