work relationship

Posted by Alice Wong (323 days ago)

How to deal with work relationships? When you know they are nice to you in front of you and throw arrows behind you?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by hshirley (323 days ago)

Never let your guard down, it will always be messy.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by dasia (323 days ago)

Always be nice to them. Don't play their game. It's probably envy that makes them behave like that.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Peechu (322 days ago)

There's far more important things to do than worry about "fakes" around you. Mind your own business and treat anyone as they deserve to be treated.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by car_lover (322 days ago)

Avoid them as much as u can if possible. Then they will soon know ur avoiding them, simple yet effective.

Eg. Hi then Bye...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Alice Wong (317 days ago)

I appreciate you all reply. I feel it is pretty tired to be always cautions to the environment which is supposed to have happiness around. But it seems nowhere I could escape. Because the situation of the next station probably is same. Wherever there are humans, there are fights and battles. This is the nature. So should I perform like meat to serve the colleagues to make me survive?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by banmenot (317 days ago)

If you watch any reality tv show people just simply do not usually get along for very long periods......it is sad but seems to be true.

Even if you think you are all grown up and it won't happen. It does. Things go sour or someone is mean spirited or someone is nuts or weird.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by jip60 (316 days ago)

u dont have to like each other to work with each other , try and be professional in what you do daily

(I am based in Beijing)

Posted by Alice Wong (316 days ago)

Smart company politicians in Hong Kong present your mistakes in front of your boss and steal your good work result and show it before the boss as theirs. I mean, in this situation, there is no relationship existing and there is no way to be professional. It has gone to politics directly. I think the relationship should be handled like fighting back in the same way they acted. Am I right? It seems cruel and I never want to hurt people. But if there is no response, you probably could be unnamed sacrifice. I am eagerly waiting for the answers.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by car_lover (316 days ago)

Maybe u cld confront ur boss abt the whole situation and let him know that all ur hardwork has been stolen...and if he doesn't care much then I think its time for u to consider another employer.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by maxis (316 days ago)

Alice,

You have to just get smarter.

It shows they are insecure if they need to try and make you look bad to improve their own image, and rip off your work and portray it as their own. Now, remember, INSECURITY is their weakness...scared you might get ahead, get advancements based on your merits etc.

The best way to attack someone, to take revenge ot slow them down is to:
focus on their weakness to your advantage.

Their weakness is their incecurity, although they aren't showing it to you probably. So, you must work on that, but how?

We don't know your job, but here's a few hints:

1. When talking to your boss do so out of hearing range from the others, and smile and be animated....they will not like that.

2.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by maxis (316 days ago)

Alice,

You have to just get smarter.

It shows they are insecure if they need to try and make you look bad to improve their own image, and rip off your work and portray it as their own. Now, remember, INSECURITY is their weakness...scared you might get ahead, get advancements based on your merits etc.

The best way to attack someone, to take revenge ot slow them down is to:
focus on their weakness to your advantage.

Their weakness is their incecurity, although they aren't showing it to you probably. So, you must work on that, but how?

We don't know your job, but here's a few hints:

1. When talking to your boss do so out of hearing range from the others, and smile and be animated....they will not like that.

2. Never tell them what you are doing, don't let them know what tasks you are working on.

3. Only ever let colleagues have paper print outs of anything you have done, and have your name on it with the draft watermark over it.

regarding the insecurities/weakness, if they are personal things and you want top destroy that person, like if they are too skinny or too large, always bring that up in conversations and examples...I know that is mean but it'll drive them nuts! haaahha haa

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Alice Wong (316 days ago)

Dear All,

Thank you for your sincere advice. It makes me comfortable at least. I will practice the skills as I can. Sometimes I just wonder why they do like this. The woman I work with most time wants me to listen to her. Actually my position is higher than her. But she works in this company for very long time, say at least 10 years. From my view, she doesn’t want a boss. I think I should not have conflict with her in surface. I could do things behind her to destroy her image. I infer that in the past, she use her past boss to review her work and takes these amended papers to the biggest boss. Thus in surface, she has built her perfect worker image before biggest boss .As a result, the biggest boss has relied on her sociologically. And that is the reason she survives well in this company. So maybe I should destroy the link between her and perfect work in the first place. I should present the final work to the biggest boss by myself, but the biggest boss has been used to see her to bring the final papers in, how should I change this situation?

Regards,
Alice

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by maxis (316 days ago)

Alice,

Just do it. You are more senior than that liar and cheat

Don't let anyone else take credit for your work as they go forward whilst you go backwards.

Just let the biggest boss know there is new talent in the office now, and the boss will soon forget about that other loser!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Alice Wong (316 days ago)

Maxis,

Thank you very much and I will do it.

Regards,

Alice

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (316 days ago)

Some good points above. However, I wouldn't make personal comments about a colleague's appearance to another colleague. It's pretty unacceptable I think, and will make you look mean and superficial. Lots of heavy and skinny people do a great job, and lots of pretty people don't, though lots do of course.

It's all about information. You know what is happening, so deal with it, and don't play into these people's hands. If you are a manager, or senior exec. you're being paid to manage, not complain or blame. Do something about it that's appropriate and fair, but keep smiling, and keep a healthy distance from these people. Remember though, the aim would be to encourage your workers to get the best out of them, but to control and eliminate bad practices so that they don't white-ant you.

Try praising your enemies sometimes too. They won't see you as such a threat, and wouldn't need to resort to tricks if their genuine efforts were rewarded.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by maxis (316 days ago)

You missed the point flashback.

You don't say that to them or about them, or even behind their back.

If it is their insecurity, you make refernce to that attribute in general conversation BUT NOT ABOUT THEM DIRECTLY. Example, if they are worried about having grey hair, you just mention "old" or "haggard" something like that frequently in conversations and not with reference to that person.

What you have to remember, this colleague of Alice is a lying and theiving cow, and leveraging off poor Alice.

Rewarding this colleague for her efforts wont work, as Alice said, she wants credit for OTHER peoples' work, not her own.

Look, it is all well to practice the "rise above it" approach, but it doesn't always work. Sometimes you need to get clever and smash a nasty person out of your way (but without them knowing!).

Focussing on this coleagues insecurities (without them knowing) and working against them I know is dirty play. But taking credit for other's work is THEFT of their credibility and of their time as they will have to work longer and harder then to keep up. And remember, stealing someone's time is the height of nastiness as time is something they can never have back.

I have seen countless exmples of sneaks, dirty players, crawlers (and worse!) etc in professional office environments sneakily leveraging off their collegues and getting ahead,leaving early whilst the good guys stay back to make teir budget or target on the less lucrative tasks. They are squeezing the good guys and a lot of bosses dont care as the job gfets done anyhow. So the nice guy/gal stays back, cancels dates/dinners/outings/family time...not nice eh?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (316 days ago)

I understand how you feel. I am currently in a similar situation where someone has undercut me. I won't play that game, though I understand why others do. I can't use the methods I condemn in others. It would make me hate myself, worse than anything anyone else could do to me.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by momo8.. (315 days ago)

As they say 'all is fair in love and business' so don't get mad get even.Learn to play the game.Keep your friends close but your enemies closer.

Document things which happen,keep a record of calls/conversations/idea/work kind of like a log so you can fall back on it if someone tries to undermine you.

Delete the history on your computer if it is a shared one.Alice your colleague knows how to play people and get them on her side.Study her don't resent her.Above all be NICE to everyone even if you don't like them.Don't let a personal clash turn into a professional one.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Aijin (partly perpetual) (315 days ago)

I read a tad of this and then wondered why this thread is in "Relationships -
This forum is discussing issues related to dating, boyfriends/girlfriends and marriage."...

Apologies but...

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by flashback (315 days ago)

Relationships are everywhere Aijin.

Momo and Maxi have given good advice. No need to be a wimp. Be proactive, and assertive and document and circumvent etc., but there's no need to get personal. It actually doesn't help and may likely hurt your cause.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Alice Wong (315 days ago)

Pretty tired today and tried not to let her what I am doing. And I also write down my decisions and passed to her. She is very smart and she asked reasons for the decisions. I have realized that she wants to know the whole process . if she knows the whole picture and the power is in her hand. It seems I have lots of problems in my mind. My boss is very bad temper man and if he found even little wrong, he could scold you very strictly. I think I should bear anyway. If movement frequency is less than 2 years, it is not good presentation in your career. Sometimes I just wonder why I come to HK. But for time and my grow, I know the situation is mostly same everywhere. In the past, I just want escape to back to home. But now I realize home only means peace in your heart in this cruel world. Small happiness is rewards of life.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by car_lover (315 days ago)

Situations likes urs happen everywhere not just in HK...maybe its more transparent here..lol!

Since ur her superior, just tell her not to question so much and do her job. Tell her that's an insult to question u unless its a mistake u make in ur decision.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Urang4me (315 days ago)

You have to learn how to manage "up" in any company or organization. Be proactive and schedule that 1:1 meeting with your manager and the manager above them. Talk about the things you are doing that have a positive impact on the business, and get their feedback on what other intitiatives they think are important.

After a while, they will start to attach the good things that are being done, to you, because they will remember your conversations.

One thing that I learned early in my career is to be a good and quick judge of professional character. When you get use to it, you will easily be able to put people into one of three categories, and deal with them accordingly.
1) Supporter: This person has your best interest in mind, and you can count on them to assist with your career development. This person could be a mentor, former manager, or colleagues that you know are trustworthy. You need to continue to nourish these relationships.
2) By-stander: This type of person has no impact on your career, and is usually indiffernt to what you are doing at the company. No need to network with these people unless necessary for the job.
3) Saboteur: This is the person that will go out of their way to make themselves look successful by trying to make you look bad. You have to keep these people in close view. Keep a strictly professional relationship with them at all times. If you work for them, always get their immediate feedback on projects that you do for them, or your general performance. Then get feedback from another person on the same project. Keep documentation of all of your conversations with them. This way there will never be any last minute surprises.

Just remember, you own your career. Be proactive and drive it, without letting one or two losers derail your efforts.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by marky4 (314 days ago)

Do not listen to 'Plagiarism'there is enough of it here....
I recommend reading 'The Art of War' by Sunzi Tze and read it carefully, then take the required action that fits.

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by Urang4me (314 days ago)

Plagiarism? Is that in reference my post, or the situation that's going on with her co-worker?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by marky4 (314 days ago)

"Limitations are what we see in the mirror"

They do not need advice, they just want someone to listen and empathise. Guidance is what is needed not "I been there and done that"

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by Urang4me (313 days ago)

"They do not need advice..."

I actually thought this was an 'advice' board. I must have mis-read the heading. As for "guidance", many times, it best comes from someone who has faced the same situation.

I wouldn't say 'go read a book' is empathiZing.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by marky4 (313 days ago)

'Empathising' is the English spelling....
The book I mentioned is used in (The Art of War, by Sunzi Tze)in modern business, but can also be a great inspirational for self help.

Alice Wong needs others to focus on her, not the proverbial 'I' She needs the Listener,not the interupter. The guidance comes from within herself, this is the way for self help and it increase's the feeling of self-worth for she has found her solution. "Eureka"

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by Urang4me (313 days ago)

I agree she needs a listener, so these last few posts are defeating the purpose. Let me be the first to say, let's spare her any further distractions.

Tzu's 'The Art of War' is indeed a good book...regardless of the application. An even more practical book for Alice's situation may be Osborne's 'Dealing With Difficult People'. There is a section that describes the exact personality type she is facing.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Alice Wong (312 days ago)

I bring the final work to the boss and point out the points which I revised on that junior’s work.

But he returns the final work to the junior and explains the reasons I wrote for the changed points to the junior. I just feel how much he likes this junior and on the other hand, he wants all people in this office to improve their skills. I realize that I need to walk a long way to change his view on the value of this junior. I don’t want to attack any person.. If this junior respect me and don’t bring my wrongs to the boss and the boss doesn’t scold me, I could be relax for a while and I need not worry about my job security. It is her start to use and decrease my credit first.

I am just afraid of being regard as a mean person and I don’t want to be a bad guy. Sometimes I just wonder whether a nice sheep could be a strong sheep in the meanwhile.

I think my needs here are not for a listener. My mood is complicated. I probably need mixed help, resolution and listening.

By the way, I read the index “ art of the war” written by Sun Sze and I am sure it will help me.

Thank you all. Please put post when you have some questions in mind and I will use all staffs in my mind to help. I just see your kind heart beating!

(I am based in Hong Kong)