Wanna dump a cheating g/f

Posted by Sys12738 (362 days ago)

I have a big problem here,I 've been with this chinese girl for quite 6 years.To my surprise ,lately I found that she 's been cheating on me for 3 years.She has an affair with a former neighbor ..They opened a company together and when I found it ,she told me that they are no longer partners..but later I found that this guy gave her some money and she is buying stocks..I 've been very nice to this girl,giving her all she wants within my capacity,paying for her trips to Thailand,Nepal,..India..
So now she is making some money by buying stocks she no longer loves me...I have a problem now..How to split with her...It's easy ,some may say..but I find it difficult to me as I love her very much..,I didn't sleep with other girls during those 6 years,...I feel bad in my heart..please help me...How to overcome these painful moments..it's been days without sleeping..She's still with me..She never admit when she wrong..Always it's me who say sorry all the time she is angry...I sometimes feel I am being exploited and manipulated...Please help...

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by the_morning_star (362 days ago)

I don't understand why she's still with you?!? Be a man, sys!! she is not the one for you. that's it. you leared from it. so, move forward, time is always your side. However, you stop contacting her in the future, otherwise you can't find much nicer girl.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by twh (362 days ago)

Sys, sorry to hear that. Cut your lose asap. As a matter of fact, the girl used you for last six yrs,she needs financial support not you. (Sorry to hurt your feeling again.) Move on and be smart dating next g/f. Hey, personal interest.. is she Shanghaiese?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by alien4peace (362 days ago)

Another similiar story from Shanghai.....(Was located in Shanghai a year ago.. ears keep feeding these kinds of format from friends..)
Agree to twh... Man.. Move on. She didn't deserve your nice & kind. Be real, Sys, you re totally manipulate by her & sure she knew this.. If you accept this, that's your life as I am sure she will not finish. The next question is: Do you want this carry on?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by momo8.. (362 days ago)

Can only happen in Shanghai where 'I love you" actually translates to money, power and influence.Sorry to hear your plight it's so sad to be cheated like that for THREE YEARS???
Did you ever make plans to get married? Maybe she felt you weren't committed enough or didn't have enough money.If I were you I would play it very cool about kicking her out.Now she thinks she's on a roll making money buying stocks,rice bags or whatever so and she thinks she's quite a businesswoman so you have been placed on the backburner.
If she has connections a woman scorned and all that just be careful.Whinging and saying sorry to her no way.She sees you as less of a man not someone in a position of power and control and that's what Shanghai girls are all about.If you can do something to advance their stature in life they go for it,if not you are out.
I'm generalizing here but having lived there for 5 years I know this very well and have many friends who have been in the 'shanghaied syndrome' before.
My advice to you is to get out quickly and quietly and cut off all contact.Go and live with some friends until it blows over or moving will make her realise she can't play you anymore.
Very sad story but you have to take some action NOW not when she's screwed you mentally as well as financialy.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Tinky1208 (362 days ago)

Sorry to hear that. But I can see you still love her very much. I don't think you could just leave her and without saying anything. Have you talk with her about your feeling? As a girl myself, I guess may be she want to settle down and if you can't give her that, she just looking it outside. Anyway, it's hard to say. If you could take her back, may be you could ask what her think. Hope you can find your happiness!

(I am based in Beijing)

Posted by momo8.. (362 days ago)

Rubbish Tinky! the guy hasn't slept in days,the girl was cheating for THREE YEARS with a neighbour what's there to ask? Just prolong the whole sordid tale.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by twh (362 days ago)

Who doesn't know what Shanghai renowned for? I don't have to tell stories here to convince your nodding. There was no mercy on the first date she decided to have 2nd, 3rd boyfriend, why talk to her? Sys, Thank God, haven't proposed yet? Run, as fast as you can. Cut contact as well. Trust me, she will be fine even live without your support & love. More important to me is female can actually live on their own, male financing is a nice gesture but not necessary. Make your decision quick. Good luck.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Aijin (partly perpetual) (362 days ago)

Again same ole same ole… as another succinctly remarked in another thread just another tale of a loon and poon...

Folk just when are ya going to learn?… do not feed the natives… remember cannibalism was/is still practiced in some parts and thus the hand that feeds deserves to be bitten… maybe they should play the Lil Shop of Horrors movie on all flights over here (nb: I cannot remember how it ends but ya get the picture)...

And just what is it with all the self pitying?… Folk another cliché but maybe it may sink in… don’t play with fire and then complain when what is left of the bitten off fingers get burnt… ya f45k without protection and ya get a family that needs to be provided for for life and not just yours… ya give money and then complain that it was taken… duh… once again the same rules apply here as anywhere… if the same had happened back in ya home country ya would be laughed at for being a sap… pleeeeze someone tell me why it is any different in this neck of the world?

She f45ed ya over… move on or give her some of her own medicine… have some pride… we all make mistakes but thankfully you do not have any commitments/responsibilities other than to yourself…

Good luck.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by Sys12738 (362 days ago)

twh,yes this girls is from Shanghai.
We had plans to get married,to settle down here,buy a house..but I think she 's been playing me..because there is no penny left in our joint account..We moved to a new place,the neighbor followed us,he is living within 2 miles from where we live now..And this guy is married with 2 children..
Tinky1208,I talked to her about my feeling and when I mention this guy,she gets angry to the point of breaking everything in the house...she's got a hot temper..I 've been very nice to her and satisfy her everything emotionally ,sexually ,financially...You can't imagine how much money I burned buying her clothes,paying her trips to everywhere she wanted to go,and to my surprise she even doesn't like to let other people know or see we are together,...when going out she seems she doesn't know me,...oh!I feel bad about this and sometimes I am tempted to revenge..

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by Sys12738 (362 days ago)

I have to defend myself because she pulled my strings too far...

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by Maj (361 days ago)

Dump her!She using you only..now that she found a more wealthy man she's going to leave you as well,you have to dump her first before she dump you..

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Ali G (361 days ago)

are you mad ???? tell her to go fly a kite ! you dont need her, she needs a kick in the teeth

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Sys12738 (361 days ago)

Ali G,that's what I am talking about.I don't want to hurt her,but I want to dump her in a manner that she will be left with a lot of question marks psychologically..How to dump her ?I don't want to say ,we 're over and tell her to pack her stuff..I wish I did more than that..no physical hurt of course..

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by car_lover (361 days ago)

She played u and yet u wanna treat her nice? Anyways, everyone knows abt shanghai girls, even the locals know how they behave, so never go for one ever. And i wld definitely dump her and asked her to move out ASAP. Be a MAN!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Sys12738 (361 days ago)

I think ,to say it's over and let her go is so simple.She hurt me so badly..Do you guys believe in Karma?

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by HKBlue (361 days ago)

What answers did you expect to receive from here?
Other than dunp her, ditch her, forget her.
Is it really that difficult to give her the push after what you know?
If it is then you are past our help.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Thames (361 days ago)

To me it seems clear Sys has already decided he's going to end the relationship, if one can call it that, and I don't think he wants to 'treat her nice'. I get the feeling he's hoping someone here will provide encouragement and some novel ideas for finishing with this appalling-sounding woman in a satisfyingly revengeful way rather than just waving her off with a simple goodbye. However you do it, though, Sysa, be careful. And if I were you, I'd carry out the dirty deed sooner rather than later. She's full-on trouble and you need to get your life back fast.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by helinski (361 days ago)

Sys you need to cut your losses and run... FAST! My husband has had FOUR Shanghai girls throwing themselves at him in 3 years and all of those girls were married/living with boyfriends at the time. And we don't even live in Shanghai!

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by dude71 (361 days ago)

Sys, sounds that you are releasing your revengeful emotion....and you don't have idea when you will act on!!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by twh (361 days ago)

Sys, you earn our support! Let us know you dump her.:)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by sheenababe (361 days ago)

Oh Sys I know how you feel about dumping this nightmare person in a way that will give you some emotional satisfaction, but unfortunately acts like that often rebound and in the long run just make you feel worse. Just try to behave in a way that you can live with in a year's time, but for heavens sake right now you must be practical...so close that bank account, freeze what assets you have left, cut up the credit cards, secure your finances (for this is what this is all about), whatever, but just get out, there's nothing there for you emotionally or unfortunately now, financially .

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by momo8.. (360 days ago)

Pack up all her stuff and tell her to get out (that depends if the lease in in your name) if she refuses take her stuff and give it to the building guards.
Easiest way would be to find another girl...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Sys12738 (360 days ago)

I already decided to kick her out of my life,I cancelled my creditcards long time ago,I cut the retirement plan I bought for her and cut any other financial stuff we had in common. I am in process to move to a new company soon ,I will move to a new house,change my mobile phone number,everything we had in common...And start a new life.I don't want to stay friends with her.As she is travelling in near future,I will pack all of her stuff and I will move to a new house at the same day she 's back. I will send her stuff to this guy's address .I want to erase her from my memory but i guess it'll be hard I am telling you..

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by justin credulous (360 days ago)

Go for it dude.

Cheaters never prosper....in the long run. This is just karma doing the rounds.

(I am based in Iraq)

Posted by Sys12738 (360 days ago)

It'll be hard to start over a new life and I don't want to be in relationship with shanghainese girls anymore (it seems like not only those from Shanghai,others also are almost the same..)

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by momo8.. (360 days ago)

Good for you mate stick to your guns and don't look back.What goes around comes around send her packing and look forward to your new life.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by LovelyD (360 days ago)

Sys12738 > I am sorry about that and I hope you start your new life soon. I am sure there are many nice girls there, no matter Chinese or Caucasian. You just met a wrong girl in a wrong place. By the way, did you sit down and talk to her about split up ? I guess she don't know , right ?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Sys12738 (360 days ago)

We didn't talk about split up yet!I almost know it every time she is lying to me, sometimes she is used to tell me that she's with her girl friends when I call her,but later it turns to be she was with this guy or other guys, she is ready for split up I think because she started treating me very well now.When I raise my voice,she always try to manipulate me,feigning to love me very much,to care about me but usually this doesn't last 3 days. She doesn't know when I will raise my voice again.I will talk to her when she is back the same day I will be moving to a new house..

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by justin credulous (360 days ago)

move and then talk, dude. You cant save this relationship by raising your voice. You are in Shanghai with a manipulator and a money grabbin puke...if you know whats best for you, move and THEN tell her...OR, you'll suffer consequences you never thought to calculate.

(I am based in Iraq)

Posted by LovelyD (360 days ago)

Sys12738 > May be you're right, she is ready for split up. May I know how old are you and your gf ? I guess you are not Chinese, right ?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Sys12738 (360 days ago)

I actually don't want to talk to her about it,I will sms her later when she 's back..

LovelyD ,
I am not Chinese, she's 28 now..

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by Jalous Uranus (360 days ago)

Dude, don't even bother communicating with this piece of s**t. Move house, dump her stuff outside then leave a nasty SMS.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Blood Diamond (360 days ago)

Sys, run baby run! Watch the movie "Priceless". The money-grabber was locked out of the ritzy hotel room with only her stuff, excluding the things the guy bought her.

Likewise, when your Shanghainese Money Grabber returns, make sure she is greeted with only HER stuff,OUTSIDE your door, not the expensive stuff you got her.... Remember to remind yourself to not fall for any of those pleading, crying, promises of love, sweet nothings.... that should be enough.

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by LovelyD (360 days ago)

Blood Diamond > Haha...I like what you remind to Sys even I am a girl.

Sys12738 > I hope you are not soft-hearted person. Remember what Blood Diamond said.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Meems (360 days ago)

if you don't meet the worse, you won't appreciate the best....... Good luck, let fate be with you soon.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Sys12738 (358 days ago)

You know what?
This money grabber asked me to buy her a new model of Macbook Pro as her birthday gift when she comes back...Ha ha..she really upsets me to the point that I can't control my nerves now..

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by momo8.. (358 days ago)

You better get a grip on those emotions baby if you are REALLY going to give her the flick.I think you are too angry and still plotting revenge and the business of breaking up is just that....INDIFFERENT.
Try to calm down and cut the contact that's too detrimental and undermining you at this vulnerable stage.Stick with your plan and don't let her into your mind,she has no place there.Pack up her stuff and send it to the neighbour and have a few days break from Shanghers she's still sending your emotions flying.
You can do it and good luck she's a b%^&tch and you know it's never going to work out,she's probably off somewhere laughing at how she is playing you.
Birthday gift? Hahahaha leave that one up to your imagination.Go and let off some steam.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (358 days ago)

Sys... read through this thread. Your plan to move without a trace is the best thing. Others have been in your situation in Shanghai and found themselves victims of a lot of nasty behaviour, as someone alludes to above.

It really is imperative that you break clean away and give her some closure on it. She must know that you are aware of the situation, have a clear understanding of how you have been tricked, and that you will not put up with anything else in the future.

She has to be fully aware of your resolve on this, and under no illusions as to how she may wheddle herself back or that she has some control over your life. I have known of others in your situation in China. It's not pretty, and is rather dangerous actually. So, do take care. She will make trouble, so that is every reason why you should really ensure that you have severed all ties and not let her believe that she can take a back step back onto 'safe' ground with you if the new one doesn't work out.

These girls are like women walking across a river on stepping stones... one foot on the stone in front, another on the one just behind... Remember that, take care and don't be fooled.

Oh.. and once she knows it is finally over, she will go like a tiger for all she can get, including revenge.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Sys12738 (358 days ago)

thanks for your concerns,guys..I think I am a patient guy and will go through this.By the time she will be back I will be outside of China and I plan to take a holiday to relax with my family and friends before I start a new job...I don't deserve this...

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by Blood Diamond (358 days ago)

Good idea to go on a holiday Sys. Do remember to not think and rethink and get soft-hearted, thinking of the lovely moments you shared. Remember that all the lovely moments you shared were probably just fake to her and she was just playing you. She has the cheek to ask for a Macbook Pro? I'd rather take the money and burn it up if I were you! Momo's right, you'd better then a grip on those emotions. Play it cool and calm when you give her the boot. You really don't deserve it.

Hey, her birthday gift should be a large DHL carton of her stuff outside. Since you are away, why don't you put a note on the box getting the cleaner/refuse collector to "Remove if unclaimed by XXXXXX (a certain date)." Leave this Shanghainese MoneyFace a note that says "You do not need to pay me back the rent and all expenses spent on you for the past 6 years, you've earned it as you've worked hard for it!".

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by flashback (358 days ago)

I'm really glad to hear how 'in control' of the situation you are Sys. Keep to the plan and all should be well. A lot of us here have 'been around the block' both in Asia and elsewhere. Just want you to know that yes, we appreciate how hard it all is. The pain is no easier in a break-up just because you find out she has been a betrayer and not worthy of your affections in the first place. There's a lot of anger that attaches itself to the genuine loss as well.
Take good care, and yes... return to friends and family. It's been an awful lesson, but thankfully, you are out and awake, and fate has thrown you the opportunity to get it all accomplished while she is away... Oh, lucky man.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by babysweetie (358 days ago)

know what, i actually felt a pinch on my heart whenever i read stories like this..I have to admit that some chinese gals are very materialistics and exploited their partners. SYs, erased her from ur memory, you deserve a better person. she does not worth your love.

I'm an opposite of your case. i have not been so lucky like her to meet a good and nice caucasian chap who is devoted in love. Even though m not demanding and never in my life asking my guys for anything, haha..perhaps m not as gorgeous as your Shanghainese gf.. Sys, come over to Spore, hee, we Sporean chinese gals may not be as pretty but we are warm and friendly, and not a control freak..at least m an independent and attractive lady who is just not been so lucky to find my mr right..
cheers

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by Blood Diamond (357 days ago)

babysweetie, hmmm, I think you are not giving yourself and other Singaporean girls here enough credit. Sister, we are not exactly defective trolls lying like doormats here waiting for White guys who have had their hearts broken by supposedly gorgeous Shanghainese babes. If you ask me, we have a lot more to offer, besides looking chic

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by Jalous Uranus (357 days ago)

baby you don't sound too dissimilar to sys's shanghai chick. you sound so desperate for a caucasian prince to sweep you off your feet. it's probably so obvious to the guys you meet who most likely perceive you as a shallow individual.

yes you're not demanding and never asking for anything, except of course for your caucasian mr. right. what a joke.

and blood is correct, you make singaporeans appear to be a country of full of desperate inferior women like you.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by leg7 (357 days ago)

chinese girls are cheap full stop. If you have money, you can have them. It doesn't bother them if you're married, in the relationship..etc as long as you can support them financially. that's it.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (357 days ago)

Hmmmm... don't think we should say stuff like that leg7.. but in any case, Sys has certainly found this one very very expensive...

Babysweetie... I'm afraid you do come across as somewhat cloying... even your name. Perhaps you should work on building up your self-confidence. The appeal of these girls is probably their brash belief in themselves... I mean how else can you get away with this?? Though I certainly don't wish to give tips out to potential tricksters.

But guys... hey... You've really gotta 'get it'. Western women are tired of picking you up off the pavement when you land. Most of us, including me, just won't go there. A scarred man is a bitter man, I'm afraid.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Blood Diamond (357 days ago)

Flashback, besides brash belief, it is widespread knowledge that these China girls are wonderful at stroking the egos of men. Men just love that. Hence their willing to open their hearts and wallets to these girls. When will these men ever learn???

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by bellamore (357 days ago)

sorry to hear that but you should be strong to move on. as a girl, i know that we don't cheat easily. if we cheat, that means we do not love you anymore....Sys, wake up and move on, you deserve far better.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (357 days ago)

Blood Diamond... yes... there's that too, and the lure of the exotic, the unknown... All heady stuff... Just been reading Flaubert's obsession with the orient - Eqypt in his case... These mythologies have a lot to answer for... Though that's no excuse of course for commonsense and reality checking...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by you're joking (356 days ago)

sys - i can't believe someone can be so nieve and stupid! china/asian girls are know like stated above throughout the world. only fools get sucked in!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Sys12738 (356 days ago)

I already packed all her stuff and will send to this guy next week,today,I am moving to a new apartment.My new life is starting and I hope I will be fine soon...
Guys ,many thanks for your great support

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by salubrious (356 days ago)

one suggestion... How about sending that stuff to a storage place or similar and let her collect it? Otherwise that other guy will have a lot of explaining to do to his wife. I'm not concerned for him but for the emotional turmoil that it may, or will, cause the wife and children.

I don't think its wise to be the cause of that, assuming the wife does not already know.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (356 days ago)

Good luck Sys! Don't look back! :)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Sys12738 (355 days ago)

Hi Salubrious

I guess the wife of this guy doesn't even know that the guy is leasing another apartment.He sometimes comes to this apartment to meet that money-grabber I dumped 2 days ago. I can't tell his wife about what is happening of course..The wife will discover it herself.

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by Blood Diamond (354 days ago)

This is the best news on Monday morning for me Sys! Congratulations and I am mighty proud of you! Stay strong and wish you all the best. You did yourself a HUGE favour!!! :-)

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by salubrious (354 days ago)

Sys: Perfect

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by twh (354 days ago)

Sys - Wish you have a wonderful start.

Leg 7 - What 'Chinese girls are cheap full stop' exactly mean?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by leg7 (353 days ago)

Hey twh, you don't know what it means or you don't want to know. one pls don't tell me that chinese girls go out with you for who you are. two they often cheat on their partner as they're always looking for something else (maybe better in financial or sexual..I don't know!). three it's not so hard to get a mistress in HK as long as you have money. So what does it tell us about chinese girls?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by balzac (353 days ago)

geez- I just read 'babysweetie's post- *gag*


Unbelievable.

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by car_lover (353 days ago)

balzac: I just read it after u post it..lol

I thought singaporean girls are always after the 5 Cs? I was told by singaporeans btw.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by balzac (353 days ago)

ah this is where I wil hastily add-I am not singaporean.

Well I know some who arent 5C hunters so I wont perpetuate that notion for their sake. (what's the rest of the 5 Cs anyway, besides C for caucasian? (ha.ha..)

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by momo8.. (353 days ago)

So what's the update Sys?As for Chinese girls being greedy/materialistic that's generalising too much and Ed will take the thread down watch out.
I would say Chinese girls are 'practical' but isn't amyone of whatever nationality or cultural background like this?Things happen for the right or wrong reasons usually when naive foreigners lose their heads at the banquet if local delights.Men mostly but women too.How strong or weak one is as person to overcome this is up to the individual there are no rules here and getting fooled by a girl whether Chinese or not can happen anywhere.
Wonder the results if all the Chinese guys out there contributed to the thread with their own stories of deceit.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Honeyrat (353 days ago)

leg7 - I wish you didn't generalize things like that. We have how many people in China - mind me to ask? Assuming half of us are female, you're talking about more than 0.5 billion people here. No mater what your loss was, please be polite to most of people in this country.

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by leg7 (353 days ago)

Honeyrat - I didn't generalise things but just talked about the majority of chinese girls. pls tell me why people always say that it's easy to get a girl in china/hk..is it because 0.5 billion girls are there? Why didn't people think it's easy to get a girl in india? i am pretty sure the population is not much different.

BTW I haven't lost anything to chinese people. I don't really care much if chinese girls are greedy/materialistic as it's really a personal choice but pls accept that fact and move on.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by maxis (353 days ago)

Wow!

Are they all like that?
What a load of rot !!!
Many Chniese girls may be greedy, but many are certainly not and are very decent and caring.

Many western or European girls are very greedy, and again, many are not!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Honeyrat (352 days ago)

leg7 - oh yeah you're not generalizing but you're JUST talking about MAJORITY of chinese girls. I'm done talking with you here. You go ahead to say whatever you feel like. And me? I'm gonna sit back and enjoy reading whatever you have to say - like majority of chinese girls.

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by Sys12738 (352 days ago)

hey guys,

I am starting a new life and slowly trying to forget the gold-digger I dumped last week..
Yes,there are many of them around here,but I agree that there are also good ones..

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by justin credulous (352 days ago)

Staying single for 6 months wouldnt hurt you though...dont take on any more women for the moment, remember, you took on the gold digger thinking she was one of the good ones. Think about it, dude.

(I am based in Iraq)

Posted by dolce (275 days ago)

glad that you have started a new life, Sys
and JC is rite..

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by handcream (275 days ago)

dunno what to say, being a Shanghainese gal myself, i am always not trying to fall into this category, but sometimes I agree that women are born in nature with vanity and living in Sh could be very tough.As wherever I go, always hear people start a conversation with what they bought and how much it costs or how much bargain they get or other personal questions...But I know some people's life is very hard and you cannot blame someone live in Shanghai Symdrone,its just the practical way they live their life. The gal you were with,Sys12378, I think she must be cheated and used before too by someone else(maybe the marrieed guy), thats why she could do something so cruel like this. But it takes two to tango, Whom to blame, and never too later to learn...btw not everything is cheap in China, you have to pay for the price

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by happyguyer (274 days ago)

you're so full of it, handcream. Maybe she was cheated before, so that justifies her abusing Sys and his kindness for 3 years. He's more than paid a price - 3 years (at least) while she's sleeping with another guy. She's disgusting and any excuses merely reveal that you must be trying to whitewash your own actions (heretofore not revealed). Shame on you!

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by handcream (274 days ago)

I am not!!!
Wat's ur problem, happyguyer in SH,you don't even know me, why you being so judegmental? I was just tryint to give everyone a bigger picture and done a bit pychoanalysis here, not trying to justify anyone's behavour like this no matter where she/he comes from. pls don't get me wrong,besides i am way too dump compared to those ones.

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by ramelec (274 days ago)

What HappyGuyer said was true, we should not use excuses as a means of something. For example, if a person murdered someone and then give excuses ie. honest mistake. Do you think this is acceptable.
Another example is, you will see a number a woman in an abusive relationship will still stay with their abusive husband, why? because they give excuses like he will still always love him and he will be better one day..

So no offense, your pychoanalysis does not work. And plus, the original poster has move on for better.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Bubas (274 days ago)

..Iam tired to hear these excuses about the attitutde of chinese girls..! Life can be hard everywhere = an eye for an eye will make the world blind !!!
They don't respect others..doesn't matter how hard was your life.if it was really hard, you learned..when you learn, you don't want to be so cruel with others !
oh ...and I find very sweet the way to call that "being pratical"...this is such a good way to excuse that ! western are humans and have feelings also ! I will not generalize...but this is true that I have heard so many many stories like that..even some chinese girls told me that most of the chinese girls are like that..so...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by happyguyer (273 days ago)

The psychoanalysis was only done on yourself, dear handcream. "Living in Shanghai" can be tough??? Please... Living in Xinjiang or Anhui is tough; Shanghai is no tougher than any other modern city like New York or London. The "shanghai practical way to live life" is to screw everyone else and everything to get what you want??? I've met plenty of very respectable and honest Shanghainese, both men and women. Under your theory, no one is to blame for any bad things we do to another as long as it's in the pursuit of getting what we want. Why don't you be forthright, Handcream, and confess to us why you have to "try not to fall into this category". If you have to "try", then you've obviously failed at some point. Do you merely justify such "failure" and say it was your "victim's" fault or do you accept responsibility for your actions?

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by whitecatbj (273 days ago)

it seems nice men always met bad girls and nice girl always met bad men. lots stories like this.
ai.....

(I am based in Beijing)

Posted by flashback (273 days ago)

hmmm.. whitecatbi.. well, that's the way each tells their own story...

Sure, there are bad girls and bad guys but the good girls and good guys have an obligation to face the facts too. I'm sure that most people who have found themselves being badly treated by someone realise that they ignored a lot of obvious signs regarding the other person's character, motives and situation, either through vanity, low-self-esteem, naive optimism, loneliness or some other fault in their own personality. And yes, misplaced love. This is not to say anyone deserves what happens to them, or that bad people ought to be excused.

Like all areas of our lives, we need to take care in relationships and guard our hearts until we are sure of the quality of another's motives, especially so in a cross-cultural situation.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by handcream (273 days ago)

Sorry I have to make it clear:

First of all, as a human being I do appreciate the good values and morals. I have no purpose to excuse or justify that gal’s behavior just because the psychoanalysis I did based on my own assumption rather than my own personal experience.

Second of all, when I said Tough, it means tough to maintain the ethical part and own integrity meanwhile still get what you what in Shanghai where everyone moves so fast and morality not on people’s top priority list. And I was just trying to tell the truth of such phenomenon of PRACTICAL WAY OF LIVING.

And from a local’s perspective, I always see some laowais with much more freedom than they have in their own country to enjoy such a fun life here. Maybe not necessary applied to this scenario, but its really makes me sick to see those people think they are superior and can do whatever they want here .At this point, I don’t know whom is taking advantage of whom??
And they sometimes even assume you must expect something from them if you make friends with them. Others are always nice trying to help you without the expectation to get returned.
That’s what I always wondering shall I get the help from them and get the things I want in an easy way, or Would I fall into this category if I do?? And what’s the bottom line here and what’s the line clearly drawn here between taking advantage of others and truly being in need of help from someone who is capable of doing so.
That’s I ‘ve been trying to avoid to be someone like that but maybe I already been assumed so.

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by Bubas (273 days ago)

Handcream,
..what are you talking about?? Woman here often looking for a man because of his money..is that what you call "help" ?? There is a lot of things that people all around the world are not doing right..but here..we are talking about these girls who take advantage of the man who have money !!! and for that...no excuse or no explanation ! Add to that..they try to always find excuses of their bad attitude for us to see them as a "victim"..please..stop it !

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (273 days ago)

I think I understand what Handcream is saying, and of course, it is the same dilemma that faced most women in Jane Austen's England: whether or not to marry - or merely ocassionally please - that sleezy lord to gain sustenance or a better life, or whether to stick to one's values and face the privations of a single life on one's own or with a less financially secure person. Or even, whether there is a perverse sense of justice to be had for the colonised in taking advantage of members of an oppressive class.

Sooner or later, many women have to make this choice. Some do it as an honorable deal. Their partners know it is a deal, and one they can see the benefits of for themselves. Most traditional marriages were loveless liasons based on family survival.

Others, like Sys's girlfriend, see the whole romantic chase as just another business model, moving from one man to another like a company organises its mergers and takeovers. It's a different mind-set from the 'honest deal' of a straight out 'youth and beauty/financial security" until death do we part exchange.

Whatever moral position one takes on any or all of this behaviour, it's not sensible to ignore that it exists, has always existed and will continue to exist and grow as more and more women in third world countries have access to wealthier western men through the internet and business.

Both men and women can't afford to enter relationships without a clear understanding that these elements are operating in society.

Ultimately, Handcream, all I can say is that you don't seem cut out to be a ruthless player. You have a reflective nature, so I would suggest that you don't dwell on what your betraying sisters are getting or not getting, and instead, build your life on a rewarding honesty.

You know, after a certain level, luxuries don't enhance, they just corrupt. It's much better to keep your values and live a happy life, unburdened by guilt over selfish actions that can never really be washed clean.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Jalous Uranus (273 days ago)

hmm, a thought handcream...it seems you have a desire of keeping up with your peers by having the latest materialistic objects (practical way of living?) and you're seriously considering whether to be a leech like some of your counterparts.

you say as a human being you appreciate good values and morals, what exactly are your standards, because it seems they are loosely and can be compromised.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by whitecatbj (273 days ago)

for sure there is no excuse for cheating, it is very clear just like we see black and white colour, here we are not talking about if it is right women expect men bring their better life, if she is nice loyal special one to him then she deserved be treated nice. but she just used him or maybe other men too. it is unfortunately thing to him, but fortunately he found it before marry her. well, i hear lots those stories men cheating women, or women cheating men. sigh again.

(I am based in Beijing)

Posted by happyguyer (272 days ago)

"That’s what I always wondering shall I get the help from them and get the things I want in an easy way". Your own statement sums it up. What is still unanswered by your lengthy response is how you've been "trying to avoid being someone like that." It implies that you feel that you are sometimes (when you conveniently let your guard down) like "that" person who simply gets what he or she wants without regard to others. True, handcream?

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by perfection (272 days ago)

happyguyer... there's no one who is above temptation. Perfection of character is always a result of choices, and may take a person many years and mistakes to achieve the wisdom and ability to resist one's own desires. Don't point the finger at handcream. At least she's astute enough to articulate the question to herself. But my suggestion to handcream is to be absolutely true to yourself, the best part of yourself, and you will always live in peace.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by happyguyer (272 days ago)

i was merely pointed her own outstretched fingerback at her. I certainly do not wish her ill.

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by bebuka (272 days ago)

come on, there r no excuses for that kind of behavior.....

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by Chewinthefat (272 days ago)

Hahahah dudes!!! i'm sorry to break in and be frank and summarise this whole sorry-ass-tale in just one short rant. But with all the pontification and philosophy aside for one mo, here’s the real deal'

Its is not 'uncommon' for certain types of Asian ladies to play a guy for cash!!!! Bottom line!!!! Sys, my freind you got played, end of!!!!....move on and find someone who wants you for you, period. As far as your present GF/player/leach/parasite is concerned, don’t waste time give her the elbow ASAP. Remember (as it appears to me) she doesn’t give two hoots about you or your feelings, just your money, so don’t dwell on your emotions for her. I mean if you were mugged at knifepoint in the street, would you spend sleepless nights thinking about your attacker’s feelings? Dude you’ve been mugged, only this time at poon-point!!! Drop the dime and move on to happier days!!!!!!!

There you go, now guys please continue with your game of head tennis.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by perfection (272 days ago)

Sys has wised up and shipped out.

The point here is that you guys can't claim innocence. I mean for goodness sakes... Take a walk anywhere in Asia.... we western woman are constantly faced with the sight of decrepit old men as well as young men with pretty young things. Chewthefat and bebuka, wake up, you know these girls are not going for you for your good looks and personalities. Outside of Asia most of you wouldn't stand a chance with a pretty girl... and you know it. So don't sound so surprised to learn that some of these girls don't really... oh my goodness... have 'feelings' for you.

Of course there's no excuse for this behaviour... But whose?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Chewinthefat (272 days ago)

Glad to hear Sys did the right thing.

But hey 'perfection' I’m not under any illusion that some Asian girls are more interested in the cash security angle first, and of course they aint hanging around for the cuddles and the romance.

Those that know the situation know that its a dog eat dog relationship world out there, in most cases.

And your absolutely right when you say that most Gwilo's over here wouldn’t get close to a pretty young girl, 'X' amount of years his junior, back in their home country, for sure.

But the unfortunate reality of the HK scene is that young girls chase older western men for many reasons. Some are after long-term relationships and some are strictly in it for dollar gain! Fact!

I think the major point you’ve missed here is that if you are a sincere guy looking for a sincere girl, and you end up with 'cash extractor' then get rid ASAP!!! Cos you’re in a dead relationship. The same goes for the other side of the coin, if you’re a young Asian lady looking for a life partner and you end up with a Wan Chai player then get rid too!!!

As for being ‘surprised’? Well, I am only surprised that you missed the context of the initial thread. Feeling a little lonely over there are we ‘perfection?’ Phone not ringing on the weekend as often as it did back home eh???

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by perfection (272 days ago)

No point missed at all... that's certainly already been said by other posters above and before you... what's novel in your contribution? As for myself...well, sweetie... I'm already taken, thank goodness - Would hate to have to take my chances with one of you 12 a month guys.... Any wonder the girls here feel so insecure that they take out their own form of insurance...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Chewinthefat (272 days ago)

'Taken'. Good for you.

Of course it's been said before because its sound advise. I'm sure Sys himself prefers to hear the same advice from many a poster. As most posters addressed his particular dilemma, based on the details he supplied. I happened to agree with the majority of the posters. So, tell me, what do me and Bebuka need to wake up about exactly?? Do you disagree with me and him/her (and the majority of the posters? Or did you want to talk about a different topic altogether?? Nevertheless, if you want to change the subject/context of the thread the why not let other posters know first to avoid everyone getting confused.

As far as being ‘novel’, some would say novel some would say bang on….

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by bebuka (271 days ago)

LOL, perfection.....
Well, im not one of those guys who would never get a chance with a pretty woman bk home... and whats ur point anyway, im pretty much awaken, thats why i said there is no excuse for that kind of behavior, westerner or asian...

u wrote:
Chewthefat and bebuka, wake up, you know these girls are not going for you for your good looks and personalities. Outside of Asia most of you wouldn't stand a chance with a pretty girl... and you know it. So don't sound so surprised to learn that some of these girls don't really... oh my goodness... have 'feelings' for you

sounds ridiculous...
missing the point...

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by bebuka (271 days ago)

And one more, taken? by one of those guys who would never get a chance with a pretty woman bk home? Hope not, LOL!

(I am based in Shanghai)

Posted by purplestar (269 days ago)

I'm very sorry to hear this, butI just want to point out something, sys was cheated 3 years, I think he also need to responsible for that. He gave more chances to hurt himself more. I understand it's very painful to leave epecailly when you loved her, but you also need to take care yourself well too!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Arcade (264 days ago)

How much percentage of Chinese girls cheat like this one did it to Sys,how much percentage of foreigners cheat on their Chinese g/f? any idea?
I found out that many of my foreign friends in Shanghai had their g/f cheating on them for some time.Let's say 70% ...Some also cheated as they are not in that serious thing...(40%)

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by violetbeau (241 days ago)

wow. what a ride this thread is. I have to say, I'm with 'perfection' in the sense of what she was saying...although she did get a little unnecessarily pissy. I also get what Handcream was saying. It's great to have morals and all that, but some people don't have the luxury. Don't get me wrong, I'm conservative in mine, but I'm not so narrow as to not understand if you live in a dog eat dog world, sometimes people eat dog. China is a country like no other in that sense.
In Asia, I'm sorry to say, it's ultimatly the Western man that gets stung because of what he represents, and because of what he's willing to fall for. Massive generalisation I know. Just like saying Chinese girls are all cheaters. Bullsh*t. And if things aren't the same in India yet, it's because the 'West' hasn't got in deep enough yet.
Justin Credible, I like your mind.

(I am based in Singapore)