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mixed couples
Posted by hoodedman (433 days ago)
Just asking, are there many mixed couples out here in Guangzhou? And if so, have you encountered lots of cultural difficulties? And why is it that i like never see, or maybe once or twice, Chinese men with foreign girls...
(I am based in Guangzhou)
Posted by naimakiddo (433 days ago)
Its a rare sight for a local guy with a foreign girl; I've actually tried it but it was so disastrous that I never told anyone about it :)
There are tons of mixed couples there and yes, some problems are avoidable due to cultural differences. I can mention a lot of things but i dont want to bore you with the details :) but for a quick summary, problems happened because the other party might be too traditional or too liberated.
(I am based in Guangzhou)
Posted by Aijin (part again) (433 days ago)
There are some incredibly sexy Asian men and they can be incredibly sexy especially in the early throngs of the dating game but at the end of the day they are men, men in Asia and Asian men with foreign girlfriends in Asia et infinitum…
IMHO it is a tad different (easier?) for an Asian woman to date a foreign man and be accepted socially than it is when the genders are reversed. A trophy girlfriend is indeed a novelty but that does not necessarily transcend cultural barriers. Romantic love versus family love. Women in Asia are still expected to live up to a matriarchal hierarchy yet the men folk still expected to be the man the head of the family the provider but not the interferer so he does not feel inferior.
Problems due to superiority/inferiority complexes arise especially when the man is undermined by such simple inconsequence as superficial stature and freedoms from independence. A woman who comes to Asia alone is something to be admired and coveted yet this very object of desire arouses deep insecurity. Thus the butterfly needs to be caged or even mounted.
However there is a wonderful local saying that I tend to oft quote… ‘there is no need to bait a caught fish.’ Asia like most elsewhere is a beautiful minefield to navigate. The challenge called because you can. The attraction endless. The experience divine and eternal. And every corner awaits…
A relationship… love… manifests in many ways and as long as we all do keep an open mind to the infinite possibilities this world proffers there will remain hope and faith and indeed love.
Enjoy and smile ya all… after all tomorrow heralds the dawn...
(I am based in Unspecified)
Posted by raincatcher (432 days ago)
Aijin, I love your words!
(I am based in Unspecified)
Posted by hoodedman (432 days ago)
-> Naimakiddo -> So you dated a Chinese man? What was that like?
-> Aijin -> are you a writer or something? And basically what you are saying is that an Asian (or Chinese) man cannot date a foreign girl cos he would feel inferior right? Just to get it straight.
(I am based in Guangzhou)
Posted by Pupalicious (432 days ago)
I've been in a mixed relationship with a Chinese man for 4 yrs now. With normal day to day stuff we don't have any cultural differences. My boyfriend was born in HK but grew up in Canada, so we have a lot in common being as we're both very western.
The only problems come up with his family obligations. I don't have any family obligations, and I can talk to my family or not talk to them as I please. However, he has to do what he's told and this and that or people will get angry with him. It frustrates me that he's getting close to 30, but his family still treat him like he's 12. We've had some rows over it, but all it takes is a little understanding and a bit of compromise on both sides and it all works out fine!
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Aijin (part again) (432 days ago)
Hoodedman: Not at all… after all I have spent the best part of this last decade indulging in the local delicacies… when in Rome and all that and even oft occasionally luxuriously justified as research... And it has and shall no doubt continue to be thoroughly divine.
However there are limitations and boundaries and unfortunately expectations that do differ from an inter-racial relationship. You cannot and would not want to change native idiosyncrasies nor cultural sensitivities but you must adapt to certain sensibilities. Gender roles are far more pronounced as society and ingrained custom does dictate behavior and place. Family and thus acceptability is priority. Independence viewed in a way as selfish.
As long as you enter into a relationship aware of the entrenched genetic differences and are willing and able and above all happy to make an effort for understanding and like any partnership make certain compromises without actually revealing that you are doing so then there is absolutely no reason why any ‘mixed’ relationship cannot be mutually fulfilling and really it should be a lot more than just that as by the very act of entering into a cross cultural relationship must open up those very confines.
This is the 21st century and although we do live within a xenophobic region the world is getting smaller and minds and hearts bigger. Folks attitudes do change even if their value system remains indigenous. I am very privileged as I do not see color, race nor nationality only folk but I do despair when my enquiries are answered with a ‘oh you cannot possibly understand’ a ‘this is Thailand or wherever’… I want and need to learn. I know I will never assimilate nor would wish to but awareness and acceptance is paramount and essential.
So folk once again do not worry just enjoy the surroundings and each other… after all the world is beautiful and life indeed precious…
Oh and it is the subtle nuances that matter that mean the most the all… the unsaid but read messages… and that age ole adage that you give to receive… embrace and enjoy and even if you never understand any of it all appreciate at least the experience… and at the end of day or night know that the world turns eternal as doth thee Ferris wheel and smile…
(I am based in Unspecified)
Posted by HKBlue (431 days ago)
Aijin--I would like what ever you are on at the moment. It costs me a fortune to get in a state like that!!
But I agree, there is nothing more mixed in a relationship than the gender.
The differences between a man and a woman far exceed any cultural barriers.
A woman is a woman wherever you come from (Except maybe in Bankok, and then you should check).
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by naimakiddo (430 days ago)
Its just a fling....he's a local guy from GZ and we need to use papers and translators everytime we went out!
(I am based in Guangzhou)
Posted by momo8.. (429 days ago)
I know a few foreign women with Chinese guys myself included.I think if the guy is one of the 'young generation' Chinese,educated overseas very open minded that's the ideal combination,best of both worlds.
A lot of Chinese guys are very traditional with a strong sense of family and obligations so if you snatch one who's had that experience abroad you'll have a great relationship.They say love between a man and a woman can cross cultural barriers is a load of bull.Communication is always the key and understanding each other's culture.Lordy translators Naimakiddo?Did that extend into the bedroom?
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by hoodedman (429 days ago)
Communication is indeed key to understanding one another, i think. But i do wonder if you could like really grasp, one day, all these "weird" Chinese habits... like the superstitious stuff or his or her family who s like always bugging the two of you...
(I am based in Guangzhou)
Posted by naimakiddo (429 days ago)
Nope, that's impossible. I cannot remember how many times my eyes popped open in surprise.
But of course, its either you ignore it, bear it or leave!
(I am based in Guangzhou)
Posted by Aijin (part again) (429 days ago)
Nothing is impossible... and all is and must be beautiful... just enjoy folk...
(I am based in Unspecified)
Posted by raincatcher (428 days ago)
all these "weird" Chinese habits...exactly what are they?
(I am based in Unspecified)
Posted by momo8.. (428 days ago)
Rubbish! I have more weird habits and superstitions than my hubby.He's the one who loves ketchup and chip sandwiches and I'm the one who tells him eating a box full of mangoes makes the body too hot!He loves pasta and cooks Italian and I love Thai and BBQ's.I like green tea he likes the odd Fosters and football.I decorate the house full of red stuff and burn incense and give out all the red pockets Chinese New Year he sends my family prezzies for Christmas,he remembers all the birthdays,I go to Lantern festivals and tomb sweeping things.As for the in-laws they put up with 'him' and 'adore' me more.He is too foreign for them and I'm just an independent weird Aussie turned Chinese!There you go,it can work.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by Sasquatch (428 days ago)
LMAO, Hoodedman are you suggesting that inlaws WONT always be bugging you and butting into your personal lives when they are not invited if they are from your same culture? I find myself wondering if you have ever been married.
I TOTALLY agree that communication is paramount and I have been addressinbg that at home in my own situation, which is much improved of late. As long as your communication is functional and you care for each other then who cares what percent is verbal and what's pictionary. The couple in question just has to come to terms with cultural issues like whos wearing the pants on what issue and as long as those friction points are overcome then multicultural/racial whatever is just all part of the beauty of diversity.
What would a restrnt be if every dish were the same, where is the beauty in a garden with all of the same plants? In the end we are all people but our differences make us unique and special. Dont let others turn you off of a fulfilling relationship by making too much out of surface differences.
If you fit together and youre happy then its all good. My wife is Italian, New Yorker and Im German/English/North Carolina-Southerner. If you are American you prolly know thats actually as different culturally as any two countries LOL, but we are making it work (the new uberfast motorcycle we are out playing on every nice weather day is helping LOL, but sriously culture is learned and you can learn to deal with any issues that arises if you talk/draw/translate your way through them and if you BOTH WANT to get through them.
Sasquatch
(I am based in Guangzhou)
Posted by momo8.. (428 days ago)
Sasquatch I'm an Aussie married to a Chinese guy.We have a magic relationship but never easy to understansd the in-laws.I speak Cantonese and Mandarin but I'm out of my depth when it comes to raising the baby.I wanted out of hospital one day later,they made me stay a week (was going nuts),then we brought the baby home they put up many 'signs' to ward off evil spirits.
The night before I was married guys broke into my house to 'steal' me away from my 'family' with window cleaner ropes and wanted to pay money to release me from my family.(they're in Oz) my girlfriends called the police we're on the 18th floor.Nobody got hurt but we were in the local newspapers and one guy smashed a neighbur's window (this happend in in GZ).It's fun but mad and you have to know what you're in for.I never regret it though,hubby is perfect.Stuff to tell the grandkids,
(I am based in Hong Kong)
Posted by raincatcher (427 days ago)
"signs to ward off evil spirits"? Never heard of that. Even my grandparents don't believe in such things, but maybe because they're not really local Chinese? They're from Indonesia originally.
(I am based in Unspecified)
Posted by Aijin (part again) (427 days ago)
Could be akin to the fabric knotted string dangly talisman thingys that you hang off everywhere for good luck happiness protection etc etc that you get at the temple or any street store or tourist shop… or just the red and gold 'signs'/posters that again you see everywhere adorned with the fortuitous symbols plants birds gods kanji etc...
One of my favorites though is the paper effigy burning and bashing curses you get under the bridge near Causeway Bay…
Local customs, festivals and superstitions are lovely, highly entertaining and should be embraced even if never understood…
Oh and apologies for the fingers and mind not being so au fait that I can remember the correct terms and names at this very moment in time… tis Sunday and I do need to tune out sometimes.
And raincatcher: nice article... bought back some happy memories... you should post it on the LDR thread over on wimmens as they would appreciate it too... and best of luck especially in love to all.
(I am based in Unspecified)
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