need advice...boyfriend's sapping my energy

Posted by zelda (400 days ago)

I have already discussed this with my closest friends, but they can be biased, and a bit over-protective.
So, the question is...if you realised that your boyfriend saps your energy with his constant demands (attention, attention, attention...he can never get enough) and you feel much more positive, energized and open to other people when he is not around, what would you do?

At first i thought he constant talking was a cultural trait (he is American) but now i am more inclined to think it's just a character trait which might be more acceptable in his culture than in mine.

He can't keep his trap shut, he talks to perfect strangers when he can't talk to me. Typical scenario: we are in a restaurant, after the first course i go to the loo, or receive a phone call, he immediatly turns to strangers sitting at the next table and barges in, talks about the wine, the food, the weather...anything goes, and he seems oblivious to the fact that these people are having a romantic or a business conversation. It's so embarrassing, i just want to pay the bill and leave. If we are travelling, its victim could be anybody sitting next to us on the plane, train, coach...Sometimes i wish i had muzzler.

When we are alone, he can't even read the paper without sharing the article with me, nevermind i already read that section of the paper or would ten minutes later. He even shares personal emails, sent by people i don't know, regarding matters i am not interested in.

He knows that his behaviour bothers me, he promised he would try to talk less, but then he gets carried away and i become captive audience like everybody else. He is so hyper-social, that he is constantly organising social events with his friends, even when he is sick and tired. If i am busy, to him resting at home alone seems a far worse scenario than going to a bar when he is sneezing, coughing and has a fever.

I don't know what to do, because other than sapping my energy with his constant whinging, ranting, and talking, we don't have any other problem. Fortunately he doesn't talk in his sleep, nor during sex.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Aijin (part whatever) (400 days ago)

ADHL?… (or whatever it's called)

Hmm… needy attention seeking men who must be the life and soul of anyone and everyones party get on my nerves too… but I have no idea of what to suggest for you to do… I for one know that rolling your eyes does not help and although his openness may be one of the things that attracted you to him in the first place what once you viewed as gregarious has become socially embarrassing and irritating…

Blinkers and a gag could help… but then folk would just think you were a tad kinky so…

Hmm… will get back to you on this… apologies for not being constructive… yet.

(I am based in Tokyo)

Posted by Woz's Pup (400 days ago)

Would you like to swap? My boyfriend never talks!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by hoyo (400 days ago)

just a like a kid! men like him need to be supervised and controlled, like a kid!
my advice: always be on top of the situation, control him, give him instrution, for example, tell him to shut up etc.. you cannot stay passive, you have to show you're the boss.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by goldenleaves (400 days ago)

He's gregarious... some people are like this. My husband was to a great extent and he was Australian... fortunately not to this... but some people just can talk to anybody and will... I don't know where he got it from but raised in a country town... mother a beauty queen/socialite... friendly, friendly, friendly.... I used to get annoyed when I would go into the chemist, or the baker or something and find out he'd shared all my personal news with the sales people there etc...

Yes... my feeling is to tell you, you have a wonderful man on your hands, but this one aspect can be a bit OTT... can relate entirely.

My advice would be to tell him how much you appreciate his optimistic attitude to life, but there are some things you'd rather not share with the extended community, or have happen quite so
often...

A man like this is usually loving and giving if he he is honest and intelligent... but boring, smarmy and irritating if he is stupid or devious...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by goldenleaves (400 days ago)

BTW this kind of guy makes a great father... always organising picnics, activities, holidays for the children... they usually know how to create a family, friendship group or community.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by blaze (400 days ago)

I have a colleague who's exactly like your husband- always talking, complaining and in need of attention. She drains me totally too and I ignore her sometimes when it gets too much.

Your boyfriend is very high maintenance. Why stay with someone who saps rather than energises you? You should feel better, not worse when you're around him.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by Aijin (part whatever) (400 days ago)

Goldenleaves may be onto something… and boys do like toys… offspring would validate his existence and give him a constant captive audience for his attention seeking… but an eternal source of new topics for discussion…

The other mothers would adore him, as would the DH’s/nannies and of course all the other attention seeking children. He would be the life and soul of the playgroup/school/whatever extra curriculum activity…

And you would probably be so exhausted that you cease to care about your sensibilities anymore…

But that does not really help you out for the here and now…

Again apologies…

(I am based in Tokyo)

Posted by Justin Credible (Part Deux) (400 days ago)

I think he basically embarrasses you with his personality trait...you are simply not like him in the yappy aspect, right? Well...I guess you can talk to him about him chilling out a little and being more attentive to you when out and about...and also to teach him about alone time and quiet time.

Crap! I talk to strangers too when I am a bit chirpy! Doh! But then again, strangers have talked to me and I have never been one of the roll my eyes type, I would say you are kinda lucky you have someone who is affable...even if you think others are cringing when he speaks, its quite possible its only YOU that is.

No one is perfect, and he's not hurting anyone, its not like he has a voice like that annoying chick on friends who had that annoying laugh that was more like a cackle...right? You are more of a quiet introverty type, arent you? I mean, you are outgoing but you arent totally in your face about it...hmmm, is he simply more outgoing than you and its kinda a strange thing to deal with? or have you been more used to dating quiet types?

Does he sulk or throw a hissy fit when you spend time away from him? if not, then its hardly like he is clingy, its possible you just find him a bit annoying or you are thinking you guys have no future and so the little things are annoying you to bits like licking a cheese grater or something...

Do you know what I mean? When you start to realize that there is no future its about that point where things like how someone chews their food, cuts their nails without picking them up, sucks a boiled sweet real loud, slurps soup...or clears their throat...they really start to do your head in.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by idingstay2 (400 days ago)

How long are you away when you take a mobile phone call?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by voiceofreason (400 days ago)

i think aijin had it right the first time: he sounds like he's got ADD or ADHD. but i am not a doctor, that's just IMHO.

at least it's just his motormouth and not any truly destructive behavior.

i think you're annoyed with him because...he's starting to bore you. it's the beginning of the end: the very traits you used to love so much, are now beginning to grate on your last nerve....* of course i don't wish that for you! but that's what it sounds like.

* exactly as JC describes above

(I am based in Manila)

Posted by Justin Credible (Part Deux) (400 days ago)

Hey, I have ADD, we arent all half bad! Haha! I knew someone who had ADHD, hooo, as an adult??? Total fruitcake potential, but then I think he was bipolar too. Hmm...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by chinapumpman (400 days ago)

is that what it takes to a great father..
my father was quiet, well liked and respected in the community because he kept his mouth shut.
Until he had something to say..then everyone listened.
so i suppose it takes all to make a world...

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by jwm (400 days ago)

chinapumpman... where are you from??

You are way off base on your observations. I find it to be the complete opposite of what you are saying.

It sounds like he is just full of energy and it is a personality trait, it certinally NOT a US culture trait.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Aijin (part whatever) (400 days ago)

There is definitely more to it than him just being chatty… I strike up a conversation with everyone and everything even if they like most folk have no idea of what I am talking about but if on a date that usually means I am just not that interested in the other or I’m in public with someone I should not be seen fraternizing with… or I’m with someone with whom I am just so comfortable and proud to be with that we just want to share for want of a better word… or using the friendless as part of the flirtation process… but that about covers all of the bases so once again I am not doing very well on this one… and tis well known that I have attention issues but I prefer to self diagnose that as neurosis…

Anyhows and seeing as I adore JC’s ‘licking a cheese grater’ analogy I have to agree with VOR et all that this irritation could signal the beginning of the end…

Again apologies... methinks medication is in order...

(I am based in Tokyo)

Posted by hoyo (400 days ago)

like the french says about the butter, the less you have the more you spread on a bread.
i believe this guy has a serious attention problem which hides some more fundamental problem. usually something went missing during his childhood? I know a man like him who didn't have a higher education and now needs to show his presence as if he needs to prove something.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by goldenleaves (400 days ago)

Chinapumpman ...One can be affable and gregarious without being opinionated... My husband was that kind of man, though his own father more like yours... mother a lively, engaging woman - the type one might call 'radiant'...

Definitely not ADD or ADHD, but fun interesting, thoughtful and forever positive. Not your loud screaming yank at Dan Ryan's (gosh the other night I could have thrown my French Shrimps at the New Jersey kid with a mouth like a foghorn)... That's not the type of person I think we have here (hope not anyway).

People like my husband endure illness and setbacks with stoicism, and even black ironic good humour...

The OP here is the only one who knows the degree to which his personality is a problem, but overall, I have to say my husband was loved so deeply by so many people because, quite simply he was gorgeous and interested in people... loving, kind, observant and fun to be around. Thankfully, my youngest son is just the same - a gorgeous happy boy.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Aijin (part whatever) (400 days ago)

I have a tendency to wear ear-plugs in bars to block out others irrelevant chat… but would not recommend them in restaurants as tis a rather peculiar sensation whilst chewing… although that could pass with practice as I can smoke with them in now…

Apologies yet again for my attempt of a practical solution…

And shrimp throwing sounds much more fun... or how about keeping his mouth otherwise occupied with sweet kisses...

(I am based in Tokyo)

Posted by goldenleaves (400 days ago)

I guess the 'acid test' is how well-liked is this man by his friends and peers... That will tell you if he has a serious problem if it is driving people away from you, rather than attracting them

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by chinapumpman (400 days ago)

the acid test maybe that..
however my father was like what you said goldenleaves and my mother was outgoing..
both however complimented each other and that is perhaps the greatest piece of the puzzle..
never once did i hear any of them complain about the other but accpeted that we are not all alike..
if someone is sapping your energy and u seem to feel different when he is not around..
then the answer is simple...
he should not be around...life is supposed to be for enjoying..

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by goldenleaves (400 days ago)

yes... you have to find someone who compliments you... quieter types may prefer someone like this. I wouldn't like someone OTT, but I must say, it suited me to have a more outgoing and social partner than I was because I tend to be academic and reflective... He got me moving, walking and talking more than I would have.

It really comes down to compatibility.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by zelda (400 days ago)

thanks for the advice/insights etc.
I do think that he might be suffering from ADD, he can't focus on any task, and hates being alone.

Yes, family background has a lot to do with his anxiety, need to be around people all the time, and the centre of attention. He was kind of rejected by his mother, who preferred his siblings, and his father was too busy to give him any attention.

No, he is not particularly popular, and that's why he is trying so hard to be accepted.

I am used to quieter types, definitely. And the reason why his behaviour bothers me so much is mainly because he hasn't got anything interesting to say, most of the time he just talks about very mundane things, stuff that i don't feel the need to share ...because it's just boring. Who needs to know that i ate a salad for lunch (description of salad) went to the bank (description of queue)and taught the past participle to my students??

I mean, unless the account is accompanied by some witty observations, philosophical musing, or just good humour, why should i listen to it, twice a day?
It's the boredom and mundanity of his constant talking that it's sapping my energy...as a form of reaction, i stopped talking, i just nod, smile, say yes and no. He doesn't seem to mind, or even notice, as long as he has an audience, he is happy.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by goldenleaves (400 days ago)

Doesn't sound like this man suits you Zelda. As Chinapumpman says, relationships that work are based on compatibility and respect. It seems you've lost respect for him, and feel it's all too exhausting.

Definitely sounds exhausting to me. I have to say, my marriage was a constant source of joy to me to always have someone with an interesting, insightful comment to make (a film-maker, artist, musician and scientist). He bought out the best in me, and vice versa I think.

Your boyfriend is driving you crazy by the sounds of it.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by idingstay 2 (400 days ago)

I don't think the ill feeling will go away either, it usually doesn't.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by LittleCream (400 days ago)

From the sound of it, his behaviour is a constant negative in your relationship and also fundamental to his character. My think is always, if you cannot imagine putting up with it for the rest of your life, it's time to end it! Better for both of you.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by T3 (400 days ago)

I had a guy like that once. Eventually I figured him out.

He talked because it validated his existence. If he didn't keep talking he became inwardly panicky and thought that he wasn't important and might somehow cease to exist. Talking was his life-breath.

I suggest you set aside some time with him where he is banned from talking, just sit with him in silence but give him affirmations - stroke his hand, give him compliments every so often etc.

Does he have a parent who constantly talks over people?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by zelda (399 days ago)

T3, your description is very appropriate...my bf talks to validate his existence, becomes panicky if he doesn't receive attention, and his stream of consciousness doesn't turn into an inner dialogue, or creative production...it is a broadcast, directed to all those who happen to be around, indiscriminately.
How did you manage to ban your ex from talking incessantly? I can't stroke his ego 24/7, because it would be just as tiring as listening.

I'd love to be in a room with him and not talk, just be. But whenever i asked him to do so, he broke the silence, or just acted impatient.

Not only he talks more than anybody i know, he is also hyper-active...he just can't sit quietly.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by voiceofreason (399 days ago)

do you think it's time to end the romance and eventually transition to being just friends? (ouch)

the more you describe his behavior, the more it sounds like he really has a condition that he simply can't help, even when he promises to try.

unfortunately, as you say it saps your energy and, more tellingly, you "feel much more positive, energized and open to other people when he is not around".

you do say you have no other problems with him but is this one problem starting to outweigh the good in your relationship? is it time to cut him loose, or can you stick around and help him address this?

(I am based in Manila)

Posted by annebin (399 days ago)

If you can't tolerate his behavior any longer,
if he constantly makes you feel anxious,
and it's clearly an issue of significant incompatibility,
then it might be best to go your separate ways and stay friends.

I used to work closely with a guy who's very similar to your bf, and back then, he would really get on my nerves. He has no concept of "quiet time" and personal space that it can get very irritating.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by zelda (399 days ago)

VOR,
i am torn. I don't want to break up without weighing all the options, it's easy to break up, but would it be better for me in the long run?
I have been told that my standards are too high, that the perfect bf doesn't exist, and we all make some compromises in our lives. In the past I cut loose people for what now seem minor misdemenours, trivial matters, silly reasons. I don't want to make the same mistake.

The problem is that i cannot imagine a future with someone who constantly needs reassurance. I am not a natural-born carer...
Some people are, some people prefer dogs to cats, but I am a cat person, i have always had cats because they are low maintainance, independent, mysterious, inspiring, i can watch them play for hours without ever getting tired. If i were to describe my perfect bf, i would say "feline"!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by goldenleaves (399 days ago)

You are independent,strong and thoughtful Zelda, and this man is attracted to you for that, but how is he meeting your needs?

Some people, as you say, like the role of indulgent partner etc... but I am with you on this, I just can't do the 100% attention to an emotionally disabled person.

He clearly has a problem and he isn't just social or outgoing.If you take him on you are going to have to find a way to live with him either through behaviour modification, (medication as a last resort) or some other diversionary or escape tactic.

The behaviour therapy should be done by a trained therapist though... I mean, it shouldn't be up to a partner to do this major work on someone else's developmental problems. He would need to acknowledge he has a problem and get help on a regular basis. Would this make the difference for you?

If you love him, and want to give it a go, I think you should ask him if HE thinks he has a problem with attention-seeking, etc... maybe it's driving him crazy too to be so compulsively active. If he agrees then he should recognise it is his problem, that he ought to own it as his problem and go get some help with it.

You can see then if that makes any difference. It could be enough to make you feel comfortable enough with him to accept him. The man needs strategies to get himself under control. You shouldn't have to change your personality and become 'school-marm', dominatrix or mother to compensate for a serious issue in him.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Justin Credible (Part Deux) (399 days ago)

The world isnt populated with 100% interesting people. To be honest as all hell, heck even I have dated people who sometimes say stuff and go on and on and on and bore me to tears...what I do? I switch off. You know? Like "the lights are on but nobody's home" number. But it doesnt mean that there arent times where the same person has been wikked great company! We can all be bores sometimes...but I think what you are saying, Zelda...has more to do with you worrying if you are too selective when really, this bf of yours sounds like he would bore the crap out of the lot of us.

So...

What I want to know is, what exactly do you LIKE about this guy to have made it this far? I mean he must have some little saving grace, right? What is the positive side of being with him?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by csun009 (399 days ago)

Yes Zelda. I'd love to know why you are still with your bf as well. I normally cannot last until the 2nd date with such a man ... Sorry for being honest!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by chinapumpman (399 days ago)

this is amazing.
i have never heard of so many men needing their ego stroked..or being attention starved...
what happened to women liking strong confident men, who require little or no maintenance...
or maybe i am looking at the whole thing wrongly..

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by idingstay 2 (399 days ago)

I have to say, there is nothing worse than someone who drones on and on and on but has no charisma so you just cringe sitting there. I have never dated anyone like that because it usually shows right away when you meet someone if they are savvy or not.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Justin Credible (Part Deux) (399 days ago)

I savvy but I can also go on and on sometimes when I go all ADD and go off on tangents. I have some sypmathy for the guy, but hell, he sounds like he has more issues than simply liking the sound of his own voice!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by greenisle (399 days ago)

I have dated both extreme types.. TO be honest, i prefer the talkative one... The quiet one would sit there for more than an hour for dinner and hardly utter a word....Felt like we've been marrried for decades when we actually dated only for few months... Zelda, your boy friend does sound like he's got self-esteem problem.. He needs to realize that if you don't like your own company, nobody will.. He needs to learn to enjoy the time being alone... If you think there's still a lot of good quality in him and the relationship is worth saving, you two really need to have an open conversation about it... He needs to tone down a bit...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by zelda (399 days ago)

I tried to talk him into seeing a counsellor for his ADHD, but he refuses to see any problem with his behaviour.
I guess i can't medicate an adult, nor send him to a shrink against his will. I might have to set him free, because i really can't see a future with someone who has so many issues and no desire to address them. It's not an easy decision to make, when you have reached a pretty comfortable stage in your relationship, but flying solo has never been a problem in the past...spring is in the air...and i might soon be out there... in the dating jungle, dodging guys with NPD, ADHD, married men looking for ONS, and LKF psychos.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Kaat (399 days ago)

Zelda, I think ending the relationship with this guy is the right thing to do. I know how you feel because I work with a girl exactly like your bf - that's at least 8 hours, 5 days a week!

She ALWAYS has something to say, whether it is about herself or other people, she may be telling a joke, or whinging about one thing or another. Because I am the opposite of her, we got on very well at the beginning but as I got to know her better, I find that she does not only have low self esteem (hence the need for attention and acknowledgement), she is also greedy and selfish. No previous incidents are excuses for the way she is now as she's an adult and must be responsible for her own actions (just like your soon-to-be ex-bf). She would tell us a joke, we would laugh about it, then she'd tell us the same joke all over again. Then it's not funny anymore... so we'll giggle just to be polite... then get back to our work in order to avoid her. I do feel sympathy for her sometimes, as she doesn't choose to be the person she is, and more importantly, she doesn't realise how people feel about her. Poor girl believes everyone loves listening to her drone on and on... about nothing significant really.

Sorry to be off track, but I just felt like having a whinge with others who may be in the same boat. Oh no I'm turning into "one of those people"! One good thing about having an attention-seeking colleague is that you become much more aware of your own behaviour.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by goldenleaves (399 days ago)

Zelda... yah... the single life is damn wonderful really.... Especially when you know who you are, and really don't need any crutches... I just can't be bothered with guys like this... LOL.... you'll miss him ... for say... 10 minutes a day.... then you'll just love being your own person... again... at last... or whatever...

I mean... unless it's 'true love'... which I've had... it's really only 'company'... If it's good companionate love.. it has a chance... if it's this boring 'you're sending me to the bathroom to vomit' kind of distraction... then... goodness... yes... let go....

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by zelda (398 days ago)

I know, i know...more time for myself, my friends, and the gym.
I am already feeling lighter...and a bit sillier.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by goldenleaves (398 days ago)

remember that feeling.... You know.... you're gonna meet a lot of incredible weirdos.... if you date that is... but if you are the one who knows where the line ought to be drawn... well... that's freedom.... freedom to choose... not to let someone dictate who you are... what you ought to do... and when... freedom to find who you prefer to be with...


the right person... is just that... right...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by marigold (398 days ago)

Zelda,

I am familiar with your situation-- my significant other was constantly sapping my energy in a similar way. He wasn't as chatty and outgoing as your guy but his unrelenting need for me to reassure him and respond to his constant barrage of silly questions made me feel like I was babysitting a 2 year old. There were many, many, many times when I wanted to wring his neck. Like you, I prefer feline men.

If you are serious about this guy and really like him, I think that his behavior can be modified with time. (I am still with that same guy after several years and we have settled in a good equilibrium-- i.e. he learned to shut up and leave me alone once in a while). You have to make it clear to him how wearying his behavior is. My guess is that he thinks that his wearying behavior is endearing. Either that, or he mistakenly thinks that he needs to be the charming entertainer 100% of the time. Once he realizes that some people actually prefer the "strong silent type" hopefully he will give his motor mouth a rest at least once in awhile. I suspect that you have not been together a long time. On your side, you will have to adjust as well to the times when his gregarious nature gets the best of him.

In my case, I was able to adjust to a bit to my boyfriend's need for reassurance which (fortunately) decreased over the years so that now it is only about 10% as bad as it used to be-- which is no longer draining (partially because I got used to it).

I developed considerable empathy for my male friends with needy or nagging girlfriends/wives. I resolved never to torment others with such tiresome behaviors as asking "Do you love me?" for the upteenth time. It just makes people tune out.

Many of the posters here seem to think that you guys are deeply incompatible. This may well be and you give it some hard thought. If you decide to give it a serious go then just gag him and tie him up the if he keeps "misbehaving". (If he still keeps yapping, then stuff his mouth full of styrofoam packing peanuts!) ha ha ha. It is called conditioned response.

good luck,
The Pavlovian Institute for Rehabilitating Loutish Boyfriends

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by blaze (398 days ago)

Hats off to you marigold. You're a very patient girl and I'm glad to hear your boyfriend's need for reassurance decreased over the years.

I work with someone like this and I agree with what Kaat said about her colleague too. Such people are self-centred. They take and take and take from you, but are never concerned about how others feel having to babysit them, listen to them and validate them 24/7. My colleague keeps up a constant chatter at work, asks silly questions to make sure people are listening in, and will even announce that she is going to the toilet (like we all need to know). She whinges non-stop about how everyone is not treating her right (she's complained about every single person in the company, her parents, husband, in-laws... you get the idea), just so people will always coo "poor baby". If you have problems, she tunes out. It's a total one-way street in which she is the star and everyone the supporting actors.

The neediness, self-absorption, lack of empathy for others, over-inflated self-opinion of just how interesting the person is... I can totally relate to how zelda feels.

I still say... run for your life and don't look back.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by rider (398 days ago)

It comes down to love!

If you truly love someone then there is nothing that will bother you... And those things that do are perhaps less important than they first seem...

I think its important to ask yourself two questions.

1. Is this my love? for me love is unconditional, but my experience of love may not be yours. so ask yourself If you truly love your partner, or whether perhaps you are just filling a need the best way you can?

2. Whats your contribution to the problem. I find that whenever i get truly annoyed with someone its mostly becasue of my insecurities or prejudices or feelings to do with some part of the situation. your partners behaviour sounds taxing, but what part of you makes it unbearable?

I think if you can honestly answer these questions to yourself you may find a better understanding of your relationship and yourself.

Goodluck Zelda.

I hope it is meant to be!

p.s. I love you Kitfaerie!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by zelda (394 days ago)

Quick update. I ended the relationship...and now enjoy the feeling of being single again.
Spring is in the air...no i cannot love someone who saps my energy...from now on ...garlic in the pocket and will watch out for vampires.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Aijin (part whatever) (393 days ago)

Shine and enjoy... it is indeed divine to feel beautiful and free... the world is awaiting and deserves to be adored not bored...

Happy skipping and smiling...

(I am based in Tokyo)

Posted by goldenleaves (393 days ago)

... Yes... this is the right decision for you, Zelda... the way you feel now tells you this... We must listen to the song of the self...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by casey (393 days ago)

Hi Zelda,

I feel you and I think you did the right thing to end the relationship. I used to "date" this american guy and he was the same too. He doesnt live in HK and last yr he came to visit me and we both went for a week holiday. Oh boy, by the end of last few days, I was going nuts and almost pulled off all my hair. Once at the airport waiting for our flight, I was so tired and closed my eyes with my MP3 on so that I dont have to hear him talk), before I knew it, he was talking to a bunch of retired americans from florida sitting near us. :x

I ended the relationship too because I figure if I cant stand it even it was a LDR, how could I stand it when he comes and live in HK. He was such a sweet guy but the energy to entertain him was too much for me to handle....

;P

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Aijin (part again) (393 days ago)

Again well done zelda... and this weekend is going to be to the start of your new life...

HK get ready... some gals are back on the town and borish is not part of the equation... ever...

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by justin credulous (393 days ago)

casey - hey, was the hamerican who i think it was? Lol...oh you poor thing. Yes, if its who I think it is, he's lovely, but he sure is zipping around at 100 miles an hour!

>zelda - good on ya girl! wish more people had the cajones to do what you did, then we'd be spared a lot of pointless questions on here.

(I am based in Iraq)

Posted by Meiguoren (393 days ago)

I think you did the right thing for his sake, too. Imagine how it would have made him feel if he married you and then eventually found out you couldn't really stand him. It was not a relationship made in heaven.

(I am based in Guangzhou)